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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Does ignoring really work?

19 replies

jupyter · 11/03/2022 05:15

I am a 26 year old male. Never had a girlfriend nor female friends as they do never seem interested in me.

Colleagues often mention that ignoring people usually results in them being attracted to you, but I can say that is not how it has worked. My relationship with the opposite sex is one of bi-directional ignorance: I ignore them and they ignore me.

Just curious to know if ignoring does really work in some scenarios.

Thank you in advance for your responses.

OP posts:

NotaCoolMum · 11/03/2022 05:25

Not that I know of. Game playing never works. Please trust me when I say- your person is out there. Just be yourself and I PROMISE the right people will like you for it.

LadyPropane · 11/03/2022 05:27

No, ignoring doesn't work. You've had some bad advice.

There isn't a magic solution that we can give you, but striking up a conversation with someone is a good start.

CousinKrispy · 11/03/2022 05:42

Agreed. Don't bother with gane-playing, and don't take advice from people who suggest it.

Just be yourself, assuming that yourself is a nice decent pleasant respectful guy. It can take time to meet someone but it will happen eventually.

KatherineJaneway · 11/03/2022 05:59

Ignoring doesn't work plus it's childish game playing.

BigOlDingleSlinger69 · 11/03/2022 06:04

Ignoring doesn’t work if the woman has no interest in you. It only works if you’ve already spoken to the girl and she is clearly interested. And by “ignoring” that really doesn’t mean ignoring all the time. It just means not chasing after of acting like the girl, just being aloof sometimes.

I really think it’s more a natural thing that isn’t so much ignoring on purpose like a weirdo, but just having an aloof normal personality. Just a man acting like himself not a love struck teen chasing after Bieber or whoever the current one is.

piemaggedon · 11/03/2022 06:07

No, the guys I've dated are ones I've 'clicked' with so people who I can chat easily with and who I find interesting to talk to. If someone ignored me when they actually liked me I'd be worried about what other games they might play. Best just be genuine and yourself, if you like someone, chat to them more, find out what you have in common, if you like them ask them if they want to join you for a coffee sometime and engage with them more. If they like you, they'll be happy to go for the odd coffee with you or to do a shared interest. If you can persuade them to go for coffee/drinks/to do a shared activity a few times, tell them you really like them. If it gets awkward, keep them as friends but if they are responding positively ask them out on a date.

Marvellousmadness · 11/03/2022 06:13

Hahahaha. Are you" colleagues" secretly your year 12 friends??

groovergirl · 11/03/2022 06:34

You say women never seem interested in you. I'd say you don't know for sure. We women are very good at concealing our interest, especially in situations where revealing it might be awkward (eg, at work) or creepy (fancying a friend's partner).

With respectful apologies to PPs, "just be yourself" isn't always good advice. Most people, men and women, learn a few pointers about how to present their best public faces. They go shopping with a friend who can give honest advice about clothes and grooming. They listen to and learn from good conversationalists. You don't have to be classically handsome, but a man who is well groomed and healthy, with good manners and a friendly, approachable attitude, will be welcome anywhere. It's not about pretending to be something you're not. It's about making the most of what you have to give yourself the best chance of attracting the sort of women you like. If, say, you're a quiet guy with a cute smile and a certain shy charm, plenty of girls will fancy that! So make sure you present it well.

iwishu · 11/03/2022 08:26

Bad advice you've been given. People have emotions so a smiling and eye contact is far more likely to send the right vibe, than ignoring them.

GeneLovesJezebel · 11/03/2022 08:27

Smile and chat. It’s better than being ignored !

DeadWeightLifted · 11/03/2022 08:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaurenLemonHead · 11/03/2022 08:36

@GeneLovesJezebel

Smile and chat. It’s better than being ignored !

This, talk to people, get comfortable talking to women in the office, not at their desks like a stalker but greeting people as you pass them in the morning, men and women. Talking in the kitchen or at the kettle.

Ignoring people is just rude, only a few women would find this attractive. Usually it comes across as arrogant. Be chatty and smile, join in conversations if they are talking about something you are interested in. You could even say I don't know enough about this topic to give my own opinion but I am interested to listen to other people's opinions on it.

Byefornow · 11/03/2022 08:37

No! How can that possibly be true?

Original poster

jupyter · 20/03/2022 04:19

Hello, thank you so much for your feedback.

It seems that the advice I have been given is wrong. However, that is not the reason why I behave the way I do.

I have always been a distracted person that gets lost in my own thoughts whenever I go outside, so I tend to ignore my surroundings (including people).

That is the way I have always been so there is not really much for me to do if I want to stay true to myself.

OP posts:

Badbaddog · 20/03/2022 07:55

Well watch out for cars and buses then OP.

Jonny1265 · 20/03/2022 08:06

@jupyter

Hello, thank you so much for your feedback.

It seems that the advice I have been given is wrong. However, that is not the reason why I behave the way I do.

I have always been a distracted person that gets lost in my own thoughts whenever I go outside, so I tend to ignore my surroundings (including people).

That is the way I have always been so there is not really much for me to do if I want to stay true to myself.

Are you interested in a relationship? If so you will have to invest energy into seeking one. If not, just carry on as you are.

SunshineAndFizz · 20/03/2022 08:06

Nah, ignoring doesn't work.

In general I'd say avoid playing games/over thinking it - if you like someone be nice to them, show interest and tell them you like them.

Malibuismysecrethome · 20/03/2022 10:32

Also don’t be sarcastic, it’s not called the lowest form of wit for nothing.

5128gap · 20/03/2022 20:08

Unless you're very physically attractive, women are not going to notice you as a would be partner at all unless you make some effort. Women often get a lot of male attention, and will be used to interested men making it known, often to the point of nuisance, so will not be likely to be sat around wondering why one man is ignoring them. If you're attracted to a woman your best bet is to make low key overtures of friendship, say hello, start a conversation. But be very alert to any signals she doesn't welcome it and back right off if you get them.

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