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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What shall I do ?

28 replies

Lost9 · 10/03/2022 23:55

it’s a long story, but I am stuck in a relationship. I love my bf of nearly 8 years very much. I’m 33 years of age and when we got together was my first proper relationship. Over the years I have forgiven him for cheating, he has had 2 affairs of over 6 months and a one night stand to what I know of. He has always crawled his way back in promising me the world. He went to prison for 3 Months and I waited for him, he begged me not to leave him. He had physically hit me before and I have retaliated back. We always get through it. Even though I love him, I’m not happy. I don’t know what to do. We have savings to buy a house but nothing is ever good enough for him. He asked me to come off the pill to start our own family last year but rarely have sex. He then stated after an argument that he wouldn’t ejaculate in side me, which I was very upset about because it’s playing with my mind. He never compliments me or initiates sex. Not even a hug or a kiss. There no intimacy. I tried hugging him and he pushes me away. I sleep at his a lot, because I know I would never see him else. There’s no effort at all. What should I do ? I don’t feel desired or loved. When I try to talk to him he calls me names and that I’m nagging and then I get upset. When I cry he doesn’t even help me or reassure, he kicks me out of the house and tells me to grow up. Also blocking me from calling and messaging him for days

OP posts:
WhoppingBigBackside · 10/03/2022 23:58

Block him on your phone and SM and move to somewhere the other side of the town/county/country/planet

Dillydollydingdong · 11/03/2022 00:03

Why on earth do you put up with all that shit? From someone who obviously doesn't love you or care about you at all? Leave the bastard and find someone who appreciates you, cos this one sure as hell doesn't!

TibetanTerrah · 11/03/2022 00:05

Are you mad?! Is this the life you want?

Kleptronic · 11/03/2022 00:06

You might want to think about finding a counsellor to help you work out why you let someone treat you this way, and to help you to work towards moving on so nobody ever treats you this way again.

OneGlamMama · 11/03/2022 00:07

What shall you do?

Girl how are you even asking that question?!

RUN.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 11/03/2022 00:07

This cannot be for real?

Sunnytwobridges · 11/03/2022 00:34

Run.

Aquamarine1029 · 11/03/2022 00:40

If you haven't figured out by now that you have completely wasted the last 8 years of your life on a useless, horrible man, nothing we tell you will matter.

You know you need to leave him, you just won't. You are the maker of your own misery.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 11/03/2022 01:02

You say you love him. Why? What does that mean? And what is there about him to love?

MsDogLady · 11/03/2022 04:00

Lost, you need to get away from this abusive monster who treats you like garbage. Life with him will always be hell on earth.

Stop clinging and make an exit plan asap. Seek counseling for support.

FlowerArranger · 11/03/2022 04:10

www.amazon.com/Women-Who-Love-Too-Much/dp/1416550216?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Other sellers are available....... but do buy/borrow it, and read it.

Riseholme · 11/03/2022 04:57

Please don’t be back on here in 5 years with 2 dc with this horrible man.

You’re still young, there really are nice men out there.

Block him.
Look forward not back.

NotaCoolMum · 11/03/2022 05:22

DO NOT HAVE A CHILD WITH THIS FOOL for starters.

MissMaple82 · 11/03/2022 05:41

You should leave him. Dump him by text if its easier. Then change your numbers and move on. Trust me, as somone who was in a similar position, it will only get worse!

Justcallmebebes · 11/03/2022 08:45

He doesn't even seem to like you so why do you put up with this? Why do you love him?

You would be an utter fool to buy a house and have children with this man. Please raise your bar

Byefornow · 11/03/2022 08:51

What are you actually doing with your life?!

Watchkeys · 11/03/2022 10:23

What is it that you love about him, @Lost9?

Also, what example of 'adult relationship' were you shown when you were young? Did your parents respect and care for each other? Did they respect and care for you? You may be repeating a pattern, here.

Pegsonstrings · 11/03/2022 17:18

You are teaching him how to treat you by allowing back after each incident. An apology and the fact he can’t live without you is this, the things you provide him with, home, and the comforts that come with it. No you, although I am sure he has love binned you into believing his apologies. Stop and that is what you need to do, just stop, stop providing him with the comforts of a relationship as he doesn’t respect you. He will never change and you will never change him. Untangle yourself from him and life a life without him as this must be such a rollercoaster

Pegsonstrings · 11/03/2022 17:19

Live bombed not binned

ValkyrieVik · 11/03/2022 17:22

I love my bf of nearly 8 years very much

Why???

Unanananana · 11/03/2022 17:26

My god, what is wrong with the pair of you? He is a nasty abusive cunt and you are an utter mug for allowing him to treat you like this.

You want to bring a CHILD into this?? On what planet is that a good idea? Why want you want this pond scum to ejaculate inside you? How can you bear to be near someone who physically assaults you? Imagine what he could do to a child.

Lost9 · 13/01/2023 09:30

I left him 6 months ago, and honestly cannot believe how happy I am now ☺️. I moved back home, saw my friends more and got back to being me. With the savings I had which was for our house, I bought a new car and bought my own house. Moving forwards and upwards.

OP posts:
Theonlywayisup1 · 13/01/2023 10:14

Brilliant news, well done op

FlowerArranger · 13/01/2023 17:34

I'm not going to say we all told you so!!! 😎

Well done

MsDogLady · 13/01/2023 19:15

This is fabulous news, @Lost9. Thanks for updating that you honored and rescued your life.