Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Fallen in love with someone else..?

12 replies

ooopsmoments · 10/03/2022 16:05

My partner of 8 years said he didn't love me anymore at the end of last year and said he wanted me in his words to "fuck off" to my parents. So I took our 2 kids (youngest being 6 months) and left.
I've sorted myself out universal credits (I was a SAHM), applied for social housing and have a rough plan for going back to work. Both DC happy here, I'm seeing friends more, and I've started seeing someone I've know a while.
I met him for a coffee not expecting to like him that way - but something developed. He's kind, caring, generous, the more I see him the more I am attracted to him and he makes me laugh. We've been seeing each other properly about 6 weeks.
Ex DP now wants to talk about our relationship.
Part of me is torn as obviously he's the kids dad and we were together a long time, and some of the reasons it went wrong were mine.
But I feel like I'm falling for the other guy.
Anyone ever been in a similar situation?
What would you advice be? Please no judgement.
Thank you.

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 10/03/2022 16:24

Anyone that can tell the mother of th4ro child to fuck off, is a nasty piece of work. He views you with contempt. And that's someone you should stay as far away from as possible, permanently.

And it sounds sounds me that he maybe got wind that you were feeling better. Or that you were seeing someone else. And he is like a 2 year old with a toy who puts the toy down but still considers it his.

Either that or there was another woman involved and that hasn't worked out so he is sniffing around you again.

Either way. Sod him. He's a bastard. Lead by example and show tour children that partners do not get to treat us like shit and expect us to come back to them. A healthy, happy single mum is much better for them than one who is being treated like shit.

As for new guy, I only been 6 weeks. Take things really slow. Dont do anything rash like introducing him to your kids or looking for a flat with him. Just treat it as a bit of fun.

You don't mention if abuse was present in your marriage but considering how nasty your ex was at the split, i suspect it may have been..so make a point of researching how to spot abuse (including things that may present early on, like 'love bombing'). Just incase. As it is common to leave one abuser only to end up with another.

My advise would be to focus on making a good life for yourself. I'd say date and have fin but it does worry me a bit that you are talking for falling for someone else so soon after one 4elationshop and oy 6 weeks in.

But so long as you take things slow and don't do anything difficult to take back with new guy then I think its fine.

Tell your ex to shove it though!

NewBrownMouse · 10/03/2022 16:37

My guess is your ex has either realised the grass isn't greener on the other side and there isn't a long line of women ready to date the newly single him so he has come running back or as pp said he realises you have gotten back on your feet and are enjoying life and the toddler in him wants his toy back. Move on to better things, you dont want to spend your life wondering if he will kick you out again with the children, you dont deserve that and they certainly dont. Take things slow with the new guy and see what happens.

bluepeacock · 10/03/2022 16:43

He told you to "fuck off to your parents"?

Wow, what a charmer!

Ask yourself why you are even considering getting back with this nasty piece of work - regardless of the fact you have been talking to someone new (which is irrelevant). Do you have issues with low self esteem?

He only wants you back because he's a. Not met anyone "better" b. Things haven't worked out with the person he had lined up to replace you (because this is highly likely - men rarely leave a cozy home setup unless there's someone else involved) or c. He's seen you quite happily moving on with your life and wants to keep his foot in the door with you to see if he can still keep you dangling like a puppet.

Sorry if that sounds brutal but I think situations like this often need some hard home truths.

If you get back with him what happens next time he becomes a bit bored with you?

Onthedunes · 10/03/2022 16:48

8 years

Is this in tandem with the other thread 'confused about boyfriends behaviour"

Coincidence.

Gowithme · 10/03/2022 17:00

Don't go back to the ex just for the sake of the kids. Tell him that he ended things and you've moved on. Then concentrate on the new guy who doesn't sound like he'd tell you to 'fuck off to your parents'.

Onthedunes · 10/03/2022 17:05

Please don't go back, he doesn't deserve you.

Just be single and enjoy this new man's kind attention.

The ex will do it again, once he has severed your new friendship and you are isolated once more.

He discarded you and was cruel, why would you give him the time of day again.

m1shap3 · 10/03/2022 17:12

Just don't go back to him

venusandmars · 10/03/2022 17:31

Meet him to talk about 'your relationship' that is: your relationship as separated parents, how you respect each other, how he supports his children financially. Discuss your approach to introducing new partners to the children.

DON'T discuss the intimate relationship between you. There is none.

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/03/2022 17:34

Tell him to fuck off back to wherever he crawled from. What an absolute dick.

It’s unlikely you’ve fallen in love with the new guy. You’ve got a crush on someone, that’s nice, but you’re only starting to get on your feet from a massive traumatic change, you’ve got extremely young children, I wouldn’t invest too much energy in a new relationship at this juncture.

Holothane · 10/03/2022 17:37

He’s made his bed let him lie 0n it, you get proceeding under way, have a happy life but take it slowly as others have said with the new guy, all the best you deserve happiness.

Poodlenoodles · 10/03/2022 17:39

Same happened to me only i went back more than once
Things are still tricky
Id go your seperate way

ooopsmoments · 11/03/2022 09:04

Thank you ladies xx

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page