I'm hoping to get some outside perspective and advice on how to deal with a situation that has arisen with my DF. It's a mess and I don't know how to handle it as his reactions/opinions are so extreme and he doesn't believe me when I tell him things that are easily verified by a google search.
Bit of background:
My DF is very wealthy, money is no issue. Workaholic but about to finally retire from his own business.
He has financially controlled my DM for their entire marriage (decades), his view is its his money, not hers. He has said "she will divorce him over her dead body" when DM has tried to leave.
My DM worked for many years, raised children across two decades and was medically retired in her 40s.
He believes everyone is after his money and no-one can be trusted in the event of death/divorce/separation. This is getting worse the older he gets.
I don't know what I'm expecting from posting this
My youngest sibling (in their 30s) is the favourite, no expense spared, never worked, paid rent or supported themselves, lived the life of a socialite and is now in the process of being bought a house in the region of 1/2mil in a VERY nice area. Of course, this sibling couldn't cut their cloth accordingly and start out somewhere sensible.
My other siblings and I have never had any help, we have had to work our way up. For me this meant starting out in a 'rough' town (if I named the town (SE), you'd get it - the comments when it is brought up on other threads are always the same), in a house share with some less than pleasant male housemates. My DF never once stepped in/offered to help me out.
This leads us to where I am now and the situation.
My DM leant me some money to help me purchase my current home - not a huge amount - I had more than double that in my own equity, and most of the money leant went on stamp duty and fees. She told me it was her money and to not worry about it.
I am extremely grateful to my DM. I would never have got, what is the perfect house for me right now - still in the "shit" town but has all the space I need, without her help.
My DF found out about the money and is, understandably, feeling betrayed that my DM helped me out after he said 'No' - my DM had asked him if he would help me out, unbeknownst to me.
To complicate matters, my DP is not yet divorced (separated for c5 years now) and has moved in with me.
My DF is not happy and is flitting between me paying him back immediately, to he will have a legal doc draught to protect the "family" money AND the proportion of the remaining equity in my home made up from the inheritance I received from my DGrandparents.
I have no issue with him trying to protect the money leant to me by my DM and would happily sign whatever is necessary and even suggested a second charge on the property to ringfence that amount.
I have issue with him trying to ring fence money that was given to me as inheritance - youngest sibling pissed the not inconsiderable amount, up the wall while I decided to invest in a home for myself.
I believe I should be able to do with the inheritance what I please eg leave my house to my DP should I die without my DF knocking on the door demanding the inheritance portion back/sale of the property to re-absorb the "family" money.
This has enraged my DF. He is now talking (what I believe to be) nonsense that my DPs ex-wife would have a claim on my house if something happened to him. My DP will be getting divorced in the next couple of years but this isn't soon enough for my DF.
My DF believes common-law marriage exists despite me showing him many citations from family law specialists to the contrary.
I can't have a decent conversation with my DF that doesn't end up with me rolling my eyes at the rubbish that comes out of his mouth. He just won't listen to common sense when it comes to money.
Everything has to be an extreme and it has turned so ugly.
I am feeling sick, frustrated and like a massive disappointment to my DF.
My DP is feeling hurt that my DF just sees him as an inconvenience out to get all of the money he can from me/my family and is now very reluctant to visit my DParents.