Family but don’t live together

[Poodlenoodles]

Hi there,
Im just wondering if there are any other families that are not living together and if it works.
we have kids, have separated in the past and now back together but each have own home.
oh wants to keep it this way incase we don’t work out again

Sounds ideal while the children need you if you can afford it.

There are couples that do this, and I think it can work well if that's what you want.

It is pretty common for some married couples in Scandinavia countries to live separately from what my Scandinavian friend has told me in the past.

Sounds ideal to me.

Ideal so long as the trying sharing of the DC is 50:50 including finances and mental load.

How does that work in practice.

Does he sleep at yours, do you stay at his?

I can understand keeping both houses, but if I were was to re unite I think I'd think about renting one house out, unless you don't need the money.

Are you sure this situation is not just enabling him to have his cake and eat it. Keeps you as a partner whilst he still has the freedom to act as a single person.

It doesn't sound ideal to me.

My mum and dad did this, split up and then got back together but didn't move back in together. They seemed to get on better than ever for a couple of years but ultimately didn't work and they parted ways for good.

No the dc live with me!
He stays mostly but goes back home to wash, change & work sometimes

Yes I do this and it's great. We get on so much better now we live apart, the kids love their dedicated one on one time with each parent as well as family time, and we get our own regular childfree time to ourselves.
We separated when our son was 2 and my partner moved out but we remained very close and have continued to act as a family unit, just living separately.

We don’t really have child free time though
Well I could if i asked but its not a regular thing

Sounds like you do all the wifework and he has his own bolt hole to enjoy a bit of bachelor time.

Perhaps you should have alternate time out at "his" place so he gets to parent solo and clean up them etc.

So basically you are a single mum and he comes over for meals and sex, while keeping his own place?

but each have own home.
oh wants to keep it this way incase we don’t work out again

So you are not married and have never been married.

You are a single mother, are they young?

Do you rent?

Does he own his own home ?

Sounds predictable.

So he gets to choose a single life without allowing you one. Are you still sleeping together when it suits him? What is on this for you or dc? Boundaries seem very confused.

Well he doesn’t go out a lot so not really living a single life

If he doesn't want to share his wealth, then don't share your bed with him.

I have this set up with my DP but we have no children together - not sure I'd be happy being left with all the childcare.

I'm reviewing my stance now I've read the updates.

Does he look after the kids solo ever?
So you can go out and have fun/hobbies/exercise/work?

If not, that wouldn't work for me.
I'd rather separate and then I'd be able to go out and have fun and date etc when it was my 'time off' from the kids

He will if i ask
Say for shopping/ drinks with a friend etc..

I do it. Have been with partner 10 years and sickeningly happy.

We each have children and the 2 houses mean we still get to have one on one time with our respective kids which means they enjoy it when the families merge for holidays and days out etc.
Eventually when the kids are grown up, we will likely live together but for now, it works brilliantly for us. And I usually stay with hi a and no I don't just visit for food and sex 🤣