So, I’m in my 40s, divorced, 2 young kids, been in a relationship for 6 months with a guy also separated with a young kid, we live in same town. Feels in many ways great, and like we want a future together.
We have fallen into a pattern of seeing each other on Tuesdays and Sundays & staying over on those nights as neither of us has the kids those days. The kids haven’t met/don’t know about the relationship yet. There are other nights he doesn’t have his child when I do have mine, when he could come over for dinner or to hang out after they’re in bed. Sometimes I’d like that. But it tends not to happen. We speak on the phone the evenings we don’t see each other but he is often tired and a bit grumpy on the phone at night though it’s him who drives the phone calls, I find he’s much better in person.
Tonight he said at the end of the phone call “Will I see you Sunday?” I was hesitant because I wanted to say, how about tomorrow too? But I am often caught in a bind of not wanting to be too needy/ the one who wants more. He misunderstood my hesitation and is worried I’m pissed off at something, and don’t want to see him on Sunday.
The thing is, we agreed to take it slow because we both have major difficult things going on in our respective families. And I know that at our age people in new relationships can be geographically further apart and with kids etc so maybe I’m doing pretty well with meeting up twice a week.
And yet I’m regularly frustrated by it and feel like being spontaneous, not sensible sometimes.
He also suffers chronic fatigue, fairly mildly as he works and lives a pretty normal life but gets very tired and says sex, like exercise, causes him some of the worst fatigue so he needs to have nights off from seeing me to rest. I want to respect this and it also holds me back from saying “do you wanna come over”, but I still feel frustrated at times. How to handle?