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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Hand hold needed

4 replies

Brightstar29 · 09/03/2022 17:10

Some of you may have seen my posts before regarding the emotionally unavailable man who ended things with me in January due to having issues and not being over his divorce. He moved straight on to someone else and I went NC shortly after, I was a mess for the first few weeks but gradually started getting better.

Fast forward to this weekend I get a text out the blue from him asking how I am. I’d not blocked him previously as I felt I was able to do NC without doing so. I didn’t engage with him at that point. I also got a message on Fb from the new gf a few days later asking if I’d been with him previously, to which I replied I had but didn’t hear anything else from her.

I then get a message from him via Facebook asking if she’d messaged me and not to believe a word she said because she’s a “psycho” (i very much doubt this and I’m wondering what he’s done to upset her more like) so it transpires it’s not worked out with her either. He then started saying things like there’s a part of him that wishes it would work out with me but it’s unfair on me to keep thinking that, that he wants a serious relationship “but it’s not that straightforward” and that he gets scared.

Obviously I know this is all red flag behaviour and not to fall for it because I would get hurt again. It really knocked my self esteem that he just moved straight on to another girl in the first place even though rationally I know that’s probably more to do with him than me. I’ve now cut contact again but I feel like the whole episode has sent me several steps backward in healing because I was doing so well before. I’ve now blocked him but even then I doubted my decision to do so and I feel that’s because part of me is still emotionally connected to him and hoping on a subconscious level things will work in the future but I know rationally that’s not good for me. I’m going to go back to focusing on myself but it’s really knocked me back. Anyone else been in a similar situation and can offer a hand hold?

OP posts:
Fairycake2 · 09/03/2022 22:33

Sending you 💐

You've definitely done the right thing by blocking him. Just take this for what it is, a small set back. Start focusing on you again and start making some plans for the future. Even small things to focus on will help. In a few weeks I'm sure you'll feel a lot better and be back on track to moving on

iwishu · 10/03/2022 07:30

Don't doubt it, you did the right thing blocking him, you found out the truth about him, a liar, and keeps playing women.
You will heal from it, you won't forget how much of a knob he is much it won't hurt, you'll just be glad you aren't with someone like him.

Brightstar29 · 10/03/2022 09:58

I don’t understand why he had to message me out of the blue when things didn’t work out with the current girl and mess up all my progress even though he is still unsure of what he wants. We did seem like such a perfect match before but I think I was love bombed and future faked a bit but that makes it harder for me to heal because I’m grieving a future and the person I thought he was.

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 10/03/2022 10:07

Because he only cares about himself. Remind yourself of that. If he really wanted the best for you he would have left you alone.

Here’s a handhold. Stay busy, practice self care and allow time to heal. But stay NC. That will really help

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