Am I overreacting? Partner looking at nude celeb photos.

[iloveruby]

My partner never hides his phone from me. I was using it last night and a search came up for a particular celebrity.

The search entries were "name sexy" and "name nude".
He has since apologised and said that he knows it was disrespectful to me but I'm so hurt.
I really feel sad that he is actively searching for naked photos of a particular woman. I feel very rejected.
I know this is sad a lot but before last night I would have described our relationship as very happy.
Maybe I'm overreacting?

Has this lady willingly posed nude for these photos for the Internet or are they leaks?

Speak to him about it and ask why he’s looked that person up and has he done it with anyone else?
I guess in every relationship it is normal to feel attracted and develop a crush on another person. It’s more how you act upon it that matters. I know in the past my dh and I have been attached to other people, We like to wind each other up about celebrity crushes etc
Explain to him how it makes you feel but to me I wouldn’t be too bothered as long as they were honest about it.

From my POV, it's just a fantasy. It's very unlikely that they'll ever actually meet the celeb so I wouldn't be too worried about them running off together or anything.

Have you been together long?

deletes search history

My ex did this. I get why you feel so rejected. Same celebrity woman, most days, searching for sexy or naked photos of her. He actually admitted it was wank material.

I would not like this at all.

My google search history may or may not contain the words 'Harry Styles naked' but it wouldn't if I was in a relationship.

Doesn't matter if you think you are over reacting.

If you don't like it then you don't like it and feel it is disrespectful.

If it has given you the ick about him and you feel less respect for him than you did before and that affects your ability to be attracted to him in various ways then more fool him.

He's shot himself in the foot and you may or may not end it as you may want to find someone who is more compatible.

Have a think about it, you could forgive him but he's not going to change in nature, maybe a new model may be better for you.

There are plenty of males out there.
Some have similar values.

Great advice @Onthedunes

Women are so conditioned to double guess their own feelings. We are allowed to feel how we feel.

Thank you everyone - will try and respond to all points.

We've been together for nearly 7 years, living together for the past 1.5.

I completely understand that we all get crushes on celebrities and can find other people attractive. I think what makes this different to me is that he obviously saw a woman he found attractive and then proactively searched for pictures of her naked. It was that thought process of "I want to see her naked" and then actively looking for images which is upsetting me.

There was nothing in his search that indicated he was looking for leaked photos.

As inevitably with this sort of things there is the context that our sex life has gone off the boil somewhat which combined with this makes me feel even more rejected.

This is the first time anything like this has happened and it is not a pleasant feeling.

I made a flippant comment above because honestly I’ve googled some spicy things in my life, and I think most people have.

If what you are describing had happened in my previous relationship, I would have been angry and hurt. In fact, we did often argue because he looked at porn and hid it from me.

With my husband, I honestly wouldn’t care if he had idly searched for nude pics of a celebrity. Sometimes they are interesting, and beautifully shot. I’d be curious about who the celebrity is, I guess, but only in a light way.

I think the difference is that in this relationship, I don’t feel unwanted or neglected. I did in the previous one.

As a PP said, your feelings are legitimate, whatever they are. But I think maybe the context is more important than the googling, tbh.

You could look at any man's browser history and I'm sure there would be many things people look at in their recreational time. Some may look at tools, bike accesories, sheds, tiles for a new kitchen, renovation for the home, anything...

A holiday for both of you, a future present would have been nice to stumble across. Your current lack of intimacy probably makes this hurt more because you may feel he has grown bored of you.

Understandable.

There are many men that do not turn to porn when they are bored, they have other interests, hobbies and priorities.

Your heckles are up for a reason.
How bored will he be in another 7 years.

I'm afraid to say he's probably wanking to these photos too. Thinking he's just looking at them is probably naive.

I do Google pics of my celeb crush and have pictures of him on my phone and wall. My DH is ok with it but he gets annoyed if I go on about it. To be fair I don't look at naked pics but that's because there are aren't any sadly. It's a tough one, I think it's quite normal but the other partner is never going to like it.

Hmm the thought that he’s actually searched them is a bit icky. But honestly, sexual desire is normal isn’t it. Looking at naked bodies is a fairly low key sexy activity.
Years ago it’d have been a bit of channel 4 on a Friday night or page 3. Now you’ve got it on your phone.

If your sex life has gone off the boil and he’s sorting himself out, he’s probably going to use “material” to do that.

I will fully admit to looking at a pic of Tom hardy about 25 times on Insta yday, he wasn’t naked by any means but it was an amazing picture and I kept going back to it lol

I wouldn’t throw away a 7 year relationship because a bit of low level google searching.
He’s apologised because it’s hurt you.
You can only ask him not to do it again as you find it disrespectful.

Then maybe work on your relationship and sex life together?

Thank you everyone, I'm going to talk to him tonight. I agree that the issue of how I feel in the relationship is the root of the problem - not that I would accept him looking at porn / naked photos even if it wasnt!