What is psychotherapy and how does it benefit you?

[pinterestprincess]

I've just started this to help me process the past few years of my life which in essence has been horrendous.

My husband had an affair and left me . The kids are still reeling, each with their own specific and additional needs. My kids have very little time or interest in their father and two refuse to see him despite mine and their therapists best efforts to support a relationship.
What to expect woth this? I've head two sessions where I can away absolutely drained and really really sad .

It seems I am continuing a pattern of self blame from childhood where I blame my husband leaving on myself even though it doesn't make sense to me, logically.

My friendships are good but I've become a drain I think. I have a lovely easy relationship that I can see I'm beginning to sabotage with my emotional dys regulation. I've had to press pause on that as I'm not ready and I have no personal time.We both agree that we need time.

Anyone please?

Not qualified to advise you, but I'll bump it for you. Someone more qualified hopefully will come along.
💐

Thamks@Yoksha.

I'm not sure I really understand what it is you are asking.

I would say that 2 sessions is really early days and it's a really good sign that you have left sessions feeling emotionally exhausted. Psychotherapy isn't a magic cure to anything, it's about giving you time and space to process things which sadly, takes time and is hard both physically and emotionally. Personally being better just kind of sneaks up on me and all of a sudden I will think 'oh wow, I used to cry/avoid/whatever at this, but actually this is ok'. The most important aspect of psychotherapy is having a really solid trusting relationship with your thearpist and then it's just time working through stuff.

Not qualified but there are different forms of psychotherapy. I had cbt which with the help of a trained Councellor helps you understand/explore your core beliefs and feelings. Challenging any self doubt talk and irrational self beliefs. Helping to have better self awareness self esteem and stop irrational thought's. Also helps with setting a goal, it's tiring and hard work but can really really help.x

Thanks for responses.I know the psychotherapist isn't too pushed on cbt as a starting point but at the moment we are delving very deeply into childhood and linking the behaviours and feelings with how I apply them to my adult life. I find it so heavy going so that is surely a good sign. It very distressing so I am surprised at my level of reaction.

My experience is that it takes you apart to rebuild you, but the taking apart phase is painful. I also think it’s good to do in cycles to give yourself a break.

Immediately after a session you will fee very very vulnerable. Make sure you plan your re-entry and have at least an hour before diving back into childcare demands.

Wow @Liveandkicking that makes sense because I spoke to my friend immediately afterwards and have no recollection today about what we discussed.

I’m not qualified but CBT is not psychotherapy- both different approaches. I had psychotherapy after I had a stillborn daughter. I would leave exhausted etc just as you say OP. It probably saved my life. It took me six or eight months to feel able to be in the world at all without crying and so on.
I’ve also had EMDR therapy recently to try to process an assault by a doctor. That’s a wholly other kind of therapy.
If you have concerns about the process your therapist can tell you what the aims and methods are.
Wishing you the best

Thanks@Blue4YOU. I've no concerns. We click brilliantly. I'm trying to make sense of what's going on and how I feel so exposed and raw. I feel like it's going to be a long road.

It's a process OP.

What you could start doing is learning how to regulate yourself. It's not that hard once you start. Hiphop music, rocking chairs, writing down what you're afraid of and then releasing it, jumping up and down, meditation. Learning to work out where you feel what emotion it is you are feeling in your body at the time (download the emotional wheel).

Tbh I have had loads of therapy. I have done inner child work, psycho dynamic (which is what it sounds like you're doing now) CBT, standard counselling and recently NLP. I am back in counselling now and after a good 10 years of therapy off and on i have finally realised I need to regulate my emotions to get anything out of the counselling. I'm only now unpicking my patterns. Before I could trace my behaviour back to my childhood and thought what I thought was right. But now I'm really doing it.

A good trick to do at home is either the iceberg or the tree. Draw an iceberg, the sea and the bit bit of the iceberg under the water. Write what your main emotion is on the top of the iceberg and then write all the emotions that lead to that feeling. The tree is a bit similar but links it more. Write your behaviours in the leaves, write incidents of your childhood in the roots and then link them together.

Thanks for those beautiful dead. I found it so hard going but I expect it will get easier
Once the exploratory work is a done. She is linking my childhood feelings and thoughts and memories to my present behaviours and thought processes.
For example, all my childhood I was blamed for certain things. I blamed myself for my mother's feelings towards me
And my fathers rejection of me and my family's dislike of me.... but I see now that I was a child, an emotionally
Neglected one whose voice was drowned out by the busyness of life and parental addiction.

Yet I am here decades later taking blame for the craziest things!!! My exh having an affair and leaving me for example!
I dread and look forward to therapy on equal measure.

It's probably worth reading the 'But we took you to Stately Homes' mumsnet thread which deals with parental toxic abuse,.
At least read the initial post which has lots of good advice and links.
It recommends reading Overcoming Toxic Parents by Susan Forward.

I don't think there is a quick way to undo the patterns laid down as a baby/infant/child.
You probably need to do a lot of reading/meditation etc on your own.
I'd recommend the Inner Child books by John Bradshaw.

I'd also highly recommend the Robert Firestone books especially those that teach you to conquer your critical inner voice.

Good luck.

OP if one or both parents were addicts it may help to look into Adult children of alcoholics, particularly the "laundry list". Growing up with an addict often leads to co-dependency. Co-Dependent No More is a good read on this.

Therapy sessions can feel exhausting and painful. In fact I'd say if they're not, then they're probably not as effective as they should be.

Think of it like physiotherapy - if you've had a serious injury or illness, physio is there to help you to recover or improve your strength and mobility. The sessions are hard work, often physically painful, and after a session you'll need to rest immediately. Often there are exercises you need to do before your next session, which will help build muscle/increase flexibility/practise different ways of moving/etc.

Psychotherapy has the same aim - to improve your mental and emotional strength and resilience, through developing better behaviours and coping strategies. To do that, it's necessary to understand where the injury or behaviours came from, which means looking at trauma, which we've often buried deeply as they were far too painful to deal with when they originally happened. Your therapist should support and guide you through the trauma in a way which works for you.

Good luck - it's a painful process but it will unlock a healthier, happier life, which you richly deserve