35, feeling aged, seeing lonely future

[Londonbabyland]

Had busy 20's with relationships, successful career and high earnings. Then major heartbreak and burnout at 28. Made out of darkness and hopelessness at 30 into long desired motherhood with an old flame who turned out a crook. Ended up solo. Whilst motherhood rocks it feels that as a woman I'm finished. So is career. There seem to be no vision of either,no energy to go out and fight for good jobs, compete. Part of me seems to accept a quiet unremarkable just getting by life as a single 'old lady'. I find myself 'learning to live without'. No ambitions despite having two bachelor degrees and a postgraduate. It's as if the 'able' bit was taken out, depleted and not much left there than just enough to make a mum. No interest in men and it seems mutual. Has anyone gone/going through similar 'depletion', how did you restore/recover?

One thing I would say is that it's really easy to overlook physical depletion as a base cause when you're struggling to overcome mental and emotional depletion.

All three are linked, of course – going through emotional hardship or mental struggles takes a lot of energy (as does caregiving a young child) and money and often we can fall into patterns of self-neglect without really noticing, because it seems like the lowest priority in a big list of priorities.

But it's actually really important to get that base layer right so that you can work more effectively on 'higher' layers. So think about whether you are really eating a nutritious diet (again, can be hard if you have a fussy eater), drinking enough water, getting enough sleep, getting out somewhere pleasant, moving every day and doing small, kind things for yourself like soaking in a bath if you have one. At the very least, add a good multivitamin to your diet as this can make a surprising difference once you have been on it for a month or two.

If you're lucky life is long and has many stages.
You've a young child, they take up so much energy and focus.
One day they won't and you'll have time to focus more on yourself and your needs.
I don't think many of us achieve everything we want out of life - be kind to yourself.

@CheekyHobson
Well observed! Self care and plentiful sleep seem out of reach because (1) there are people who always seem to have urgent, burning pangs for attention and care (young and old), (2) house maintenance, (3) professional commitments. The pain if running on empty is exactly what you've described.

@99pronouns fingers crossed we're lucky!

I'm 43 with young kids and still married.

Firstly, I have so much admiration for any parent doing this alone, it's bloody hard.

Two, I feel the same but... I'm confident that, as a pp said, once my kids are a bit older, and I am not spending every ounce of energy, time and money on them, I will get the old me back again.

You will too.