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Original poster

Relationship problems after having a baby

11 replies

Dakotax · 08/03/2022 17:43

I suppose I'm coming on here to maybe feel slightly better because I know a lot of couples have problems within their relationship after having a baby but I guess I was naive as I've always had a good relationship with my fiancé and I didn't think we would have any issues.

Bit of a background I've always had a great relationship we never bickered and our DD came along and she's honestly the best I couldn't imagine my life without her. She's nearly five months old now but when she was about 3 months old my partner went back to work (I'm disabled but mobile) so I stay at home and watch DD. Everything was fine but the more tired we got the more we would bicker and I'm so exhausted and I give all my energy to our baby during the day that by the time he gets in I just want to go to bed. He wants to cuddle and kiss and I'm just knackered, I have nothing left. I have no sex drive, I'm still in pain post c-section and I'm still getting used to my new body, but he doesn't understand I'm also a bit jealous he gets to go to work and get a break and gets some adult conversation although I can understand why he doesn't see it as a break. We never had issues before and now they are all starting to arise! I feel so guilty as I feel like a shit partner but sometimes I resent him!

Has anyone else experienced this with their partner?

OP posts:
Sid077 · 08/03/2022 23:02

Hi
You’re both tired and adjusting to life with a baby. Make sure you take time for yourself and accept all offers of help. It’s really hard to prioritise some time as a couple but really important to do that if at all possible - this does not mean being available for sex when you’re still in pain but maybe a night out. is your partner aware of the pain you’re in? I would go to your gp about the persisting pain also to make sure it’s expected or if you need physio maybe.

Sid077 · 08/03/2022 23:03

I also resented my partner going to the office!

Maray1967 · 09/03/2022 10:43

See your GP about the persistent pain - I was well past that within a few weeks not five months. At 3 months I went back to gym and did half pace exercises - fine. At 6 months I had to poke the scar hard for it to hurt - so this does not sound normal.

Original poster
Dakotax · 09/03/2022 12:46

@Sid077

Hi You’re both tired and adjusting to life with a baby. Make sure you take time for yourself and accept all offers of help. It’s really hard to prioritise some time as a couple but really important to do that if at all possible - this does not mean being available for sex when you’re still in pain but maybe a night out. is your partner aware of the pain you’re in? I would go to your gp about the persisting pain also to make sure it’s expected or if you need physio maybe.
Hi thank you for your advice it's our first child so we are very new to all this! Thankfully we do have people to support us and maybe give us some time to ourselves for a few hours! I have a disability and my consultant warned me that my recovery may be longer than others and that pain is expected, and he's aware but I think he just misses being intimate bless him
OP posts:
Original poster
Dakotax · 09/03/2022 12:47

@Maray1967

See your GP about the persistent pain - I was well past that within a few weeks not five months. At 3 months I went back to gym and did half pace exercises - fine. At 6 months I had to poke the scar hard for it to hurt - so this does not sound normal.
I was under a consultant with my c-section because I have a disability and she told me pain was expected as I would recover differently due to mobility issues, but I'm trying to stay mobile as possible and keep on top of pain as much as I can x
OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 09/03/2022 12:49

You could cuddle and kiss without having sex. Or does he just want sex?

Flyg · 09/03/2022 12:56

Tale as old as time! Tell him how you feel, keep communicating. Never have sex you dont want to have. I cant offer more advice, this was start of the end for me and my ex!

Abouttimemum · 09/03/2022 12:57

I do think it’s important that you make time for each other, not necessarily sex of course, but a cuddle once baby is in bed, talking, a film, nice food, playing a game or something together. You don’t even have to go out (although if you have a sitter that’s a great option). Is he supportive? As in does he help around the house and help with meals etc. he doesn’t just come home from work and your work continues? We’ve always alternated bath and bed each night so that one of us always gets a break.

I also used to envy my DH for going out to work but I also recognise that he’d rather be at home with his son than be at work so ideally we’d have enjoyed taking a few days each per week but sadly that’s not practical!

Original poster
Dakotax · 09/03/2022 13:13

@pinkyredrose

You could cuddle and kiss without having sex. Or does he just want sex?
No he does want cuddles and kisses, but by the end of the day I have no energy left maybe I need to make a conscious effort to give him a cuddle or a kiss I just feel guilty because Im giving no affection x
OP posts:
Original poster
Dakotax · 09/03/2022 13:15

@Flyg

Tale as old as time! Tell him how you feel, keep communicating. Never have sex you dont want to have. I cant offer more advice, this was start of the end for me and my ex!
I'm sorry to hear that you had a tough time with your ex, I never have and I never will luckily he does understands we just used to be a super affectionate couple to nothing so I can understand it can be difficult x
OP posts:
Original poster
Dakotax · 09/03/2022 13:17

@Abouttimemum

I do think it’s important that you make time for each other, not necessarily sex of course, but a cuddle once baby is in bed, talking, a film, nice food, playing a game or something together. You don’t even have to go out (although if you have a sitter that’s a great option). Is he supportive? As in does he help around the house and help with meals etc. he doesn’t just come home from work and your work continues? We’ve always alternated bath and bed each night so that one of us always gets a break.

I also used to envy my DH for going out to work but I also recognise that he’d rather be at home with his son than be at work so ideally we’d have enjoyed taking a few days each per week but sadly that’s not practical!

Yes I agree I think it's just been hard we haven't had a chance to just have some time to ourselves, he is very supportive he tries his absolute best and I can see he is exhausted I have a disability so he really does try to help me as much as he can. But I think just a mixture of tiredness, stress, less time together has taken a bit of a toll on us but hopefully we get more time together soon x
OP posts:
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