How to stop worry - not in the here and now

[pathetic78]

I’ve realised that I spend a lot of time worrying about my relationship. It’s not DPs fault as he is so lovely and does so much for me

I’ve worked out that I struggle to rely on words if they’re not explicitly being shown eg my DP could tell me he loves me, then all day just be normal and having a laugh and I’d worry because he’s not explicitly telling me he loves me or misses me. I just assume that if it’s not in the here and now, it can’t be true.
I want to feel secure in the relationship even when we are not with each other or he’s not explicitly saying these things. It’s not DPs fault it’s my own issue and struggle with not having it in the here and now - how do I overcome this???

Meditation and mindfulness can help with this. Download something like the Headspace app and give it a go. It’s not instant but If you stick with it may help.

I had this all my life until someone told me that I didn't have issues, and that the only thing wrong with me was that I thought I had something wrong with me. That belief kept me in various relationships with incompatible partners, blaming myself/being blamed for not being trusting enough, being too sensitive, for overreacting to small things, for needing too much reassurance.

You seem to think that if you feel bad, it must be someone's fault: it doesn't need to be. With a compatible partner, their natural behaviours will be the right amount of reassurance for you. With a non compatible partner, your need for reassurance won't be met, because you don't match. Each of you will be the perfect match for someone, but not for each other, and that's ok.

Distance yourself from who make you feel you're faulty, unless you want to spend lots of time feeling that you're faulty.

What I learned was this, and it's all you ever need to know about boundaries: Spend time with those you feel great with, and stop spending time with those with whom you have negative feelings.

Thank you both x