Was he flirting by nudging her? Or is my bpd harming :(

[lana29]

I have no friends, have Autism and BPD. My previous relationship of 4 years my boyfriend cheated. I know my trust is rubbish and I have no girl friends to say is this normal or not and am I overreacting?

Basically I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years, he absolutely loves football. Last summer he took me to a football related thing. This woman started shouting out the window and waving to him “heyyyyy Kyle” quite girly. I then went who is that? Because I feel I’d not do that? He went oh it’s so and so’s pal, I hardly know her and she’s on the supporters bus! My boyfriend also has said in past he’s terrible with girls and he doesn’t have girl pals?

My mum said I was overreacting at that point and I got over it, I guess I was annoyed as if I had any guy pals I wouldn’t shout and make another woman?🥴 (that probably sounds stupid..I wonder if its me)

Then Friday the girl was at the pub! She then started telling a story about how he got off with another girl in that bar. (Snogged) and how it got posted in their group chat at time (supporters) she kept saying “Kyle has a bird. She couldn’t believe it!” i then asked him later if it was before me! To be told yes!

Later on my boyfriend reaches the bar area to be served and she also reaches front at same time, my boyfriend nudges her…like I’m here first! In a jokingly way. I seen it as flirty, but again is it overreacting? I guess he told me he barely knew her then to slide right along to nudge? I seen it as touch! 😖 When I said to him he ignored me then eventually told me It was fking stupid! 🥺🥺

Would love honest comments! Just feel. i have no really and my past makes me which is awful i know!!

If you can’t trust him then you shouldn’t be with him or anyone until you work out your trust issues

The girl in your story sounds annoying but I don’t think he’s done anything very wrong here

It could just be that she is one of these over the top girls, a bit loud and friendly.We've all met at least one fo these types who seem to struggle with boundaries, but actually are likely not after your BF.

And don't listen to those that will tell you not to be in a relationship if you have trust issues. Thats ridiculous. How can you work through things like that if you don't have relationships. It just means that maybe you need to work on them a little.

Does your BF treat youu well and has he given you any reason not to trust him? Aside from this girl, which seemed more her than him from what you ahve written.

I don't think himtelling you you were being stupid though helps. Thats a pretty ignorant thing of him to say, especially knowing you were feeling a bit insecure about the scenario.

I think the best thing you can do is just tell your BF you felt a bit weird with this girl, but understand it likely frustrated him a bit. Hopefully he'll reassure you by what he says and does. If he dismisses you as being paranoid though or stupid, I'd consider if you want to stay in the relationship. You sound like you need someone who is going to understand where you are coming from and work with you, not against you.

You absolutely deserve a loving relationship OP, it just needs to be with someone who can give you the understanding you need. And then the trust issues will start to go away.

You say you don't have any female friends. What about trying to join a womens sports group or soemthing similar to try and make some new friends?

When I said to him he ignored me then eventually told me It was fking stupid

Regardless of whether you are right or wrong, do you want to be in a relationship with someone who deals with your feelings in this way?

@Bookworm20

It could just be that she is one of these over the top girls, a bit loud and friendly.We've all met at least one fo these types who seem to struggle with boundaries, but actually are likely not after your BF.

And don't listen to those that will tell you not to be in a relationship if you have trust issues. Thats ridiculous. How can you work through things like that if you don't have relationships. It just means that maybe you need to work on them a little.

Does your BF treat youu well and has he given you any reason not to trust him? Aside from this girl, which seemed more her than him from what you ahve written.

I don't think himtelling you you were being stupid though helps. Thats a pretty ignorant thing of him to say, especially knowing you were feeling a bit insecure about the scenario.

I think the best thing you can do is just tell your BF you felt a bit weird with this girl, but understand it likely frustrated him a bit. Hopefully he'll reassure you by what he says and does. If he dismisses you as being paranoid though or stupid, I'd consider if you want to stay in the relationship. You sound like you need someone who is going to understand where you are coming from and work with you, not against you.

You absolutely deserve a loving relationship OP, it just needs to be with someone who can give you the understanding you need. And then the trust issues will start to go away.

You say you don't have any female friends. What about trying to join a womens sports group or soemthing similar to try and make some new friends?

^^ This. Hi OP, I can't think of a better way of saying the same thing as @Bookworm20, so I can only suggest that you read that again. Most of us have trust issues sometimes in our relationship lives, and it does take us a while to work through them. I do hope that you can learn quite quickly that you can trust your own instincts, and after you have spoken to your boyfriend again (when things have calmed down), you are able to believe whatever your guts tell you. Please come back here though with any continuing doubts, like I said earlier, most of us have been there, so can understand what you are going through x