Struggling to recover from assault - is there any hope?

[wingscrow]

I had a really bad experience about 3 months ago when I was sexually assaulted by a man I had started dating. He had previously been a friend for a few years and this came out of the blue.

I have been struggling ever since and I feel like I simply cannot trust anyone ever again because the betrayal was too great.

I wonder if anyone went through this or similar and actually managed to build successful relationships afterwards.

I am waiting for counselling sessions but this might take a while due to long waiting lists. In the meantime I often get flashbacks, bad dreams and general anxiety.

I am also angry at myself for not spotting the signs that this man was not at all who he pretended to be. After the assault I got in touch with his ex-girlfriend who confided that he was also abusive towards her on many occasions before she finally left him.

He knew I came from an abusive, toxic family and I wonder whether he targeted me because of this.

I don't want to see myself as a constant victim but it seems there is a pattern of people pretending to care for me only to then move on to taking advantage of this to abuse me.

I have worked hard to overcome what happened to me when I was a kid and a teenager and built a decent life for myself with many positive aspects but I have constantly been let down by men throughout my life. I am starting to think that this is the last straw and that the safest solution would be to simply avoid relationships all together but the thought makes me incredibly sad...

I’ve not read the thread op because I don’t want to be triggered. But I’m really sorry this happened to you.
There is a sitter of therapy called Somatic Experiencing that is really effective for trauma, and because it’s not a classic “ talking therapy” you don’t have to retell your story lots , which I would find re- traumatising.

I really hope you make some progress with this , and yes there is hope x

My experiences of sexual assault are different to yours but I also reflected afterward that the perp had a toxic upbringing. Loads of people have a toxic family and don't go around assaulting the people they know or date, so not totally sure how helpful it is to see that connection.

I'm so sorry you went through this. It's horrendous and can take a long time to come to terms with it. Let alone heal. But healing can happen and, yes, fulfilling relationships are absolutely possible afterward.

Right now focus on you. Find some support to help you. There are a million books and websites out there. What helped me was

• individual therapy, not necessarily about the assault but generally and it helped me learn how to deal with my feelings, how to heal and grow,
• the book "rising strong" by Brene brown
• loving understanding DH
• knowing my limitations eg coming to understand things that trigger me (eg being in packed spaces, porn, certain individuals).

You'll be able to spot a scum bag at 30 paces now.

Wishing you love and healing

Oh and EMDR (look it up). This was v effective

@ShineTogether

Thank you for your reply. I am the one with the toxic upbringing if that was not clear in my original post and I think sometimes abusers target people like me because they know we might be more vulnerable and our boundaries have not been respected in the past.

Yes OP, you will be ok, in time the sharpness of the memories will fade. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Put the work in with therapy, be kind to yourself, be fiercely protective of yourself, only spend time with people firmly in your corner, do things that bring you joy, spend time with kind, strong women that you admire, you will get through this!!!