He's done with me isn't he?

[Nomorepastry]

Been in a relationship for 6 years, I'm mid 20s he's mid 30s. Everything is on his terms so no marriage, living together or kids because that's what he chose. At the start we agreed max. 4 years for marriage but he always said he's not ready yet. He's unemployed and I'm on disability for a mental disability although I've applied for 75 jobs since Christmas and no luck hearing back from any of them.

Recently he's been pretty nasty, I question why he's so distant and cold and I get a text back saying something along the lines of "leave me already then". The thing is I don't even have to physically leave, we share absolutely nothing but it's breaking me the thought of being alone when everyone my age have settled. Atleast one person in our old friend group a month are announcing pregnancy or marriage and as much as I hate to say it it's making me feel pretty suicidal. Last year we fell pregnant because I was trying to find a pill that worked as previously had several month long bleeding from the other 4 I've tried. So we were still finding one that's suitable for me as I have a few problems with my hormones and PCOS. But he didn't care as long as he got what he wanted it was okay. My mum wants me to get my tubes tied but I don't feel ready for that decision as I know I want kids one day I just don't know how as I don't have the best of luck in relationships or life in general. I was pushed to terminate because I already had a son when I was 16 (different man) who was later on adopted and I couldn't cope with that happening again since I'm in the same place as where I was then. He was nice for a few days after but started being all cold and distant again. I'm lucky to get a text once a day, and if I tried to call he'd get angry because he'll be sitting inside with his dad and thinks I only want to call to cause drama. As far as I'm aware I'm simply not enough for him but he won't say it. I just wish I could just let go mentally, but I haven't got any friends and I only have my mum and grandparents who aren't the most supportive characters. So he was all I had. I'm guessing I need to listen to his silence and realise he's over and just waiting for me to go away and leave him alone.

Sorry for the rant I've been crying for 2 days straight and seriously feel like I might as well give up on my life since I will never get anywhere

Post. Not pist!

Your mum, by the way, has no right to 'want your tubes tied'. Contraception won't be an issue immediately if you sack the nasty loser and follow your bliss. Barrier methods are handy.

Please leave. I was much older than you and wasted time on someone similar to your partner. I regret it. You have time to meet someone and get everything you want, I never got that chance. So don't waste any more time with this man, you'll be happier once you break free from him, it won't seem like it at first but it will eventually.

Move on, you are young ! Do it before it's too late. You will be stronger for it

Neither of you sound in a position to be in a healthy relationship right now. I’m saying this gently op- you need to look after yourself and learn to stand on your own two feet. Don’t date unemployed mean men.

How to you propose to raise a child if neither of you are working OP?
My husband and I have worked full time - none stop throughout our almost 20 year relationship and with all of the price increases we are struggling. Both of my children have expensive hobbies funded by the work we do, if you want your child to have any kind of life I suggest you think long and hard about that because kids see what others have and it's awful to see them missing out.

You're in no position for children or marriage. You need to find happiness first.

Ignoring absolutely anything to do with him cause he's nothing in my eyes. He isn't done with you you're done with him. The people and circumstances in your life sound difficult but you have a choice now to change it and stop letting it define you. You need to love yourself before you can be in a healthy relationship, it isn't that you aren't good enough it's that your setting the bar so low for yourself that others can walk over you and dictate your life. You only get 1 life don't rush to keep up with others sort yourself out be happy and content in you and being alone and I guarantee things will change =) Password get rid of him!!

I met my first husband when I was 29 and had our son at 32. Sadly that DH died, but when I was 42 I met another wonderful man and we've been together 23 years and married for 20.

I hated my early 20's but life just got better and better the older I got. Don't give up on life at your young age - there is so very much ahead of you!

Run!

I don't know if he's done with you. You need to be done with him.

Your mid 20's. Is this what you see for your life going forwards for the next 50 years. Really?

Join some classes, get out and make friends. Build a life for yourself.

Dump the looser. He is doing nothing for your life.

Get therapy

Seriously you deserve so much more than the crumbs he throws you.

Forget about kids for now. Go and enjoy life. Kids will come.

Don't stay with him for the fear of being alone. It isn't so bad. Plus you won't have the chance to meet someone you deserve. Don't listen to your mum if you want dcs. Thats not her choice to make and shouldn't be pushing that onto you. Its a cliche but you need to learn to love yourself. He's wasting your time.

Jesus why o why do women put up with such awful partners?!

Please don't. You will never be happy so long as you allow yourself to be treated so poorly.

I don't think you're in a good space for a relationship, you need to focus on yourself and becoming more robust. You can't do that so long as someone is treating you badly.

I think you need professional help from a mental health perspective and for your job search. 75 applications is a hell of a lot and it might be that your application menthol just needs a little tweaking.

I guess the bottom line is that so long as you keep doing g the same thing, you'll get the same result. So if you want things to change you have to make some changes.

You aren’t a failure.

You’ve just been with someone who wasn’t right for you and you’ve pinned all your hopes on it working out despite seeing multiple signs and ignoring them. You are now at the point where you can’t ignore stuff any longer.

You need to make life more about you. Find your happy place mentally. Look after yourself. Only when you are happy on your own two feet should you consider dating. A partner adds to the fabulous person you are - you shouldn’t need one to be ‘whole’.

Tell him it’s over. You have better things to do with your life and time. Take a stand.

Can you volunteer. Can you join local classes or events. Online or in real life.

Find hobbies. Find interests. Find life outside of what you’ve always done. Meet new people young and old. Expand your horizons.

Be more. You can have the life you want. But not with him. He’s not good enough for you and isn’t really interested in having a future or family together. You need and will meet a better partner.

Please do something positive and move your life forward.

Your mid twenties, have your whole life ahead of you. But you ARE wasting your time with this man, you know you are and he’s telling you that you are too. You don’t want to be mid thirties, forties, fifties, sixties etc and feel this way. Your life is passing you by.

Start some courses, if your unemployed you’ll get help.

If you feel suicidal I would see a doctor to discuss this. I wouldn’t listen to your family either getting your tubes tied when you want children is bizarre!

@Suzi888

The suggestion to get her tubes tied by her mother isn’t bizarre, it’s likely her reaction to her already having a child which she gave up for adoption because of psychological problems. It’s certainly not bizarre for her mother not to want this to repeat either for the child or her daughter if she feels it might.

[quote BigOlDingleSlinger69]@Suzi888

The suggestion to get her tubes tied by her mother isn’t bizarre, it’s likely her reaction to her already having a child which she gave up for adoption because of psychological problems. It’s certainly not bizarre for her mother not to want this to repeat either for the child or her daughter if she feels it might.[/quote]
Well I think it is a bizarre thing to suggest to your adult child who wants children. Sorry- just my opinion on an open forum . Mother shouldn’t project into child.

Onto

@Suzi888

She’s not projecting, her daughter gave a child up for adoption because of mental health issues which are still present. It’s a very valid worry.

You are so young to be settling for this AND for having your tubes tied. It's extremely unusual for a mother to want her young, childless daughter to be sterilised and I wonder why.

There's no 'we' becoming pregnant, a man can't, a woman becomes pregnant.

I don't get why you are with this waste of space man, frankly. There are plenty of nicer fish in the sea. Don't waste your life.

@Bromse

It’s right there in OP’s first post. She isn’t childless, she had a child and gave him up for adoption because of her mental health issues. This is likely why her mother is encouraging that. If here Mother sees that potentially happening again I don’t blame her for wanting that, both for her daughters sake and the sake of whatever child she has as neither being given up for adoption nor having given up multiple children with different men for adoption is going to be good for someone’s mental health.

[quote BigOlDingleSlinger69]@Bromse

It’s right there in OP’s first post. She isn’t childless, she had a child and gave him up for adoption because of her mental health issues. This is likely why her mother is encouraging that. If here Mother sees that potentially happening again I don’t blame her for wanting that, both for her daughters sake and the sake of whatever child she has as neither being given up for adoption nor having given up multiple children with different men for adoption is going to be good for someone’s mental health.[/quote]
I was 16 when he was put up for adoption, so surely that makes a difference? I physically and mentally do feel very ready to commit to raising a baby but feel I'd still need some support which is surely not a bad thing.. I'm not giving up my chances of ever being able to get that opportunity one day, that's my right and no one else's. My current mental illnesses aren't severe enough to affect my parenting abilities, I've known people who suffer from much worse and with some support they've become amazing parents..

Thank you all for your comments. This is day number 2 no contact so I'm trying to keep it that way. Surprise suprise, he hasn't sent me a single message so that says it all!

@Nomorepastry

The thing is, your not garunteed support. Yes it would be nice to have support and you may start out that way, but you need to be sure that if you really needed to bring up baby on your own without much support you could, because for whatever reason whether illness or abandonment support can be removed.

If that happened you need to be sure you can get by on your own with a baby/growing child and not have your mental health issues affect that negatively, whatever the rest of your life and relationships look like.