I'm in a relatively happy relationship of two years. Ups and downs but mostly good.we hope to marry in the next few years.
My exes partner recently emailed me. They had had a major fall out and she was very concerned about his reaction to the fall out. She stayed to know if he always reacted like the way he did, because if the extreme of his reaction.
I told her that yes that was how he reacted which was to go into flight mode and go nc for a couple of days.
When we were together, ours was a toxic relationship. I see my contribution to that now and try to not react like I used to ie screaming, shouting, hitting.
I reacted like that because he would not talk to me so I chased him until he did and then he returned.
That dynamic turned into our relationship. Every few months, we fell out, he took flight, I pursued with screaming, shouting and at times physical attack, shamefully.
We never resolved an argument.
Fast forward to now, his partner and her are together two years.
She has finished with him until she decides whether the relationship is worth going back to as long as he gets some therapy for his reactions to arguments and communication skills.
He has said he will do anything to try to make it work so will get therapy.
Why do I feel so bad?He never did anything like that for me.The way she described their relationship was so healthy and loving until this one argument. She is strong and seems kind.
She seems confident and self assured and I'm jealous of that as I put up with the awful dynamic for years and I wasted years, but I really loved him and he loved me.
She is also a high flying exec with her own home and kids and sounds like she has her shit together. I don't.
Why do I feel jealous and upset? I've moved on and at the end of the previous relationship, I was an emotional wreck.