Sister has literally hated me since birth. It is causing me so much pain

[kobacat1981]

I'm 38 now and pretty much since the day I was born my sister has hated and resented my existence. When I was only about 2 weeks old, she tried to push my pram down a hill and would go out of her way to try to hurt me. This never changed over the years. Any efforts I made to try to play with her or be close to her were just pushed away. She is 3 years older than me.

She is my only sibling and I don't think our parents ever even tried to try to deal with what went on between us. My sister to this day is a spoiled and entitled brat but they refuse to speak with her because they say she is an adult now and nothing will chap change. She still resents me for things like cutting her dolls hair when I was 5 years old and little things that happened that I assume happens in a lot of sibling relationships.i have already apologised to her for whatever wrongdoing I have done to her to make her dislike me but she just won't engage and if someone does one thing to her, she holds it in for them indefinitely. If I walk into a room she will ignore my existence or pretend that she doesn't even see me on the street.

It's almost like I try to still have some semblance of a relationship because she is the only sibling I have and its almost like I try to get on with her for the sake of our parents, but I have come to the point where I want no more to do with her because it's too painful for me.

I have spoken to a therapist about it all but it hasn't really helped, is anyone else in this position? If so how do you cope with the pain and live your life at the same time?

I have tried and tried with my brother. He’s not a nice person but he’s my only sibling so I put up with his bullying for years
However, now I just won’t put up with it. I challenge him if he tries to bully me or says offensive things and he tends to just flounce as like most bullies he’s actually a coward.
You have done your best OP but you can’t change her

I'm in the same position. I'm 37, my sister is 41. She hated me through my entire childhood and teenage years. I'd walk in from school as a teenager and feel sick with worry at the negative atmosphere that she put into the house.
We briefly developed a relationship as adults, which lasted about 18 months. Crucially, this was when she lived in her boyfriends owned house and I was in rented, she had beloved dogs and I didn't, and she was starting out on a career path and I was flapping around clueless. Ie, it was an 18 month period where she felt she was doing better than me. Once I bought a flat, got a dog and my career started to take shape, she couldn't stand the sight of me again.
Our parents have handled it so poorly throughout - at times saying "I don't know, I keep out of it" and at times being really interfering. No consistency. They've let bullying take place as far as I'm concerned.
We now send each other Christmas cards and text about twice a year. I feel we just need to keep it amicable enough that we can deal with the admin of our parents' deaths, when they happen.

@Orchidsonthetable

I read some Hatred in your words for her, and I am also curious how you know she tried to push your pram away at 3, and how you’d hold such a small child responsible. Who told you this. It’s very common for children to be unsettled by a new sibling, what did your parents do to reassure her.

I think the relationship though is likely too broken, but I’d go no contact and think long and hard about what part your parents have played in this, and that you may be both victims.

This. It’s incredibly sad that some parents (admittedly perhaps unknowingly) can destroy their children relationship with each other. My parents stirred up so much trouble amongst us siblings.

Don’t be too quick to lay all the blame at your sisters door OP.

I think there is a lot more too this that is unsaid here and the sisters version would be equally painful, it’s too simple to say she’s a bully, she simply doesn’t engage with the op at all, she won’t even be in the same room as her, she will cross the street to avoid her. That’s more than she cut my dolls hair and she pushed me when she was three. That’s something way way bigger. The woman has went no contact and means it.

* My sister to this day is a spoiled and entitled brat *

Doesn’t seem you think too highly of her either

I fucked one of my siblings off and dont really see the other. Just because your blood doesn't mean you have to have a relationship with them.

Do it for yourself. Ignore her the way she ignores you. Job done.

@gamerchick

I fucked one of my siblings off and dont really see the other. Just because your blood doesn't mean you have to have a relationship with them.

Do it for yourself. Ignore her the way she ignores you. Job done.

I think this is key. She’s went no contact with you, you need to accept this and not keep trying. As much as it hurts, she’s went no contact. For reasons only she could come on and explain. It’s really important when someone does this you don’t keep trying, as painful as it is.

I'm a therapist

Never see the fucker again - you have to give yourself permission to treat yourself better than SHE treats you

• you don't owe anyone your time and care (except your children, when they are children). Not sisters at any rate.

• you don't like her either and are blaming her for things yet call her on holding things against you. You sound as bad as each other.

• you are getting nothing out of your relationship with her except pain, whether she intends that or not.

Leave it be and move on. It isn't working. Go NC.

It’s not obligatory to have a good relationship with your sibling, many people don’t. DH is much happier since he stopped flogging a dead horse trying to get on with his.

I have two daughters and the older one has always been jealous of the younger. So many people here blaming the parents but I tried and tried to stop it. I do think personality plays a part.

@BobbinHood, totally agree. Most of the angst comes from trying to get someone who basically doesn't give a s**t to respect or like you. So much wasted energy and damage to self esteem being walked over. NC with both my siblings. Letting go was such a relief.

Concentrate on people who do care. More bang for your buck.