Coming back out the closet to unsupportive family!

[okelydokelyneighbourino]

I came out as lesbian at 17 to everyone. My family were very unsupportive making comments about how it was disgusting, why do you have to dress like a man (I wasn't I just like jeans and T-shirts) and just a phase etc. The only person who supported me was my dad who died not long after.

I was painfully shy, a people pleaser and struggled with the reaction plus grieving and probably due to my own internalised homophobia tried to make everyone happy by meeting a man and doing the whole family thing. I was miserable but everyone else was happy so it was fine. He turned out to be abusive so I've been a lone parent for the last 5 years and literally lived the life of a nun telling myself I was happy alone and probably asexual anyway.

That was until recently when I finally met up with a woman I've been chatting to online for two years. She is amazing and we are taking things really slow but I'm actually feeling like myself again. The only problem is in the back of my mind I know I'm eventually if things keep going as well as they are going to have to tell my family and I'm worried about their reaction. Which I know is pathetic as I'm a fully grown adult but part of me wants them to be happy for me.

Has anyone else had a really unsupportive family?

You’ve posted this under LGBT parents which is for parents of children who are LGBT. Maybe ask MN to move this to Relationships topic?

Hopefully you will have some replies.

@AutmnalZymn

You’ve posted this under LGBT parents which is for parents of children who are LGBT. Maybe ask MN to move this to Relationships topic?

Hopefully you will have some replies.

Thank you I got it moved.

Fuck 'em. You don't owe them your life.

Their attitudes might have changed by now. A family I know has recently had two women come out of the closet. No one's turned a hair. Whatever makes them happy .

It's completely understandable to want your family's love and acceptance, but you have to prepare yourself for the likelihood you won't get it.

Enjoy this relationship and don't live for your family

Time to put yourself first now. If you've got the chance of a loving relationship and it's what you want, that's what matters.

Tbh, its none of their buisness.
If you get to the point where you are going to marry this person the maybe you'll need to say something if you intend to invite them to the wedding...but otherwise, no need to tell them anything.

Well, your family sound horrible. Personally I wouldn't tell them unless it's absolutely unavoidable, which won't be until further down the line. They are not likely to be happy for you and it will just stir up negativity again.

It is great that you are finally in a relationship that makes you happy, don't let anything jeopardise that. You don't owe your family any details about your love life.

Thanks for all your replies. I told them the other day and I was shocked that they have been fine about it and all they said was. Thought you seemed happier. So all that worry was for nothing.

@AutmnalZymn and OP, you didn't post in the wrong place- the LGBT parents topic is for parents who are LGBT. There's a different topic for the parents of LGBT children. OP, very glad things have gone ok!

@okelydokelyneighbourino

Thanks for all your replies. I told them the other day and I was shocked that they have been fine about it and all they said was. Thought you seemed happier. So all that worry was for nothing.

That’s lovely news. So pleased.