Judgemental

[Maybels]

Hey mums, wondering if I'm losing my mind, or just my sense of self.
DH is on a weight loss kick (noting he was on the larger side not so long ago), and ahe's become particularly critical of my appearance. I have put on some weight, probably anywhere between a size 10/12. Not a comfortable place to be, but not wildly different to where I am generally. He knows my parents were very critical of my Wright and appearance since I was a young girl, and knows the effects it has on me.
But the last few months, he's said he finds me less attractive, has been constantly making fun of my weight, likened me to a rhinoceros, and more critical aspects. Part of me feels this is a reflection of how he must dislike himself, but I can't help but put up my walls. I find myself bingeing more because I feel so low. Am I overreacting?

likened me to a rhinoceros

That should be a deal breaker. Get rid of this vile prick.

He does say the harshest things sometimes.

Wow. That is bad. He should not be speaking to you like that.

For the love of god OP, get rid! What a disgusting man. He has zero respect for you so please please show yourself the respect your deserve

It sounds as though he’s deliberately undermining you to boost his own ego. What do you say/do when he does it?

How can you be helped here into ridding yourself of this man, a man whom like your parents also criticises you about your weight and or appearance (these people have just dumped their own insecurities onto you to make their own pathetic selves feel better).

I would also consider counselling re your parents awful comments too.

Thank you Attila, my parents may be good people but they were bad parents, through and through. I have worked hard to break the cycle with my own child and over the years have worked hard to understand myself. I'm a pretty tough cookie in general, have got a backbone. When it comes to your partner though, you should be able to feel safe and secure.

I try to politely pull him up on it and express that I'm not happy with what he's saying. Deep down though, I won't lie, no matter how much I tell myself this is a reflection of his own inner thoughts - it makes me feel worthless. He's loosing weight, I'm not and welcome to the vicious cycle of self loathing.

Not saying that weight comments are acceptable at any size, but if you’re a 10/12 presumably you’re not overweight at all. Is there a weight you could be that would change his behaviour towards you, or do you think he’d always find something to get at you about? ‘The vicious cycle of self loathing’ is quite a disturbing phrase!

As you grew up with emotionally abusive parents it is no surprise that you have found yourself an emotional abusive partner.

I’m pleased you came on mumsnet and I hope you run a mile from this man. A size 10-12 is not big at all.

You really aren’t mentally safe with this man and I certainly wouldn’t have a family with him. These unkind words will only escalate and seep into other areas of your life.

He's building his own wall by knocking yours down brick by brick. I also think your spot on when you say he is projecting his feelings about himself.

I have put on about 7 kgs in the last couple of years. But he goes up and down too, so I find it a bit unfair to hear those things from him. I suppose he wouldn't make any negative comments if I were to loose weight - but he wouldn't say anything nice either.

@Maybels

I try to politely pull him up on it and express that I'm not happy with what he's saying. Deep down though, I won't lie, no matter how much I tell myself this is a reflection of his own inner thoughts - it makes me feel worthless. He's loosing weight, I'm not and welcome to the vicious cycle of self loathing.

Why are you being polite to him? Tell him to fuck off

It's definitely a reflection of how he feels about himself. You should tell him his attitude to your weight, is very unattractive.
You shouldn't put up with this.

He can lose weight all he wants.
He's still a fat banker inside.

Wanker. Banker- I suppose a banker might be a high earner at least.

Size 10-12 is "not a comfortable place to be".

So if you're not a size 6 or 8 you're too fat.

Well your own attitude is nasty based on the above so this is a case of what goes around comes around...

Do you mean a U.K. 10-12, which is on the slim to medium side or a US 10-12, which is a U.K. 14-16, and on the medium to larger size?

Either way your DH is being totally horrible and undermining with his comments and you should not have to tolerate them.

Thank you all, yes it's a UK 10/12. I appreciate we all have different bodies, and different thresholds for what we're comfortable with. I was never nor will I ever be a size 6/8, if anything i am on the lower end of a 10 at my slimmest. Thank you for your support and advice, I will stop doubting my feelings about this and address as appropriate. Love the B/W anker reference!

Part of me feels this is a reflection of how he must dislike himself, but I can't help but put up my walls

Do you think that if someone is nasty to you and it's because they dislike themselves, you should drop your natural boundaries?

likened me to a rhinoceros, and more critical aspects

Wow. I'd be in the divorce ours faster than you can say "what a wanker" if my dh spoke to me like that.

Am I overreacting?

Er..no. You need to seriously work on your self esteem if you really think you're overreacting. He sounds like a manipulative, nasty piece of crap.

We all know the quickest way to lose a load of weight...
Tell him to stfu and get lost!

My weight goes up and down a lot, at the moment I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been at a size 16/ 18 (I put on weight when I went on medication for anxiety) and my husband is always so lovely and reassuring about it not mattering. I would be devastated if he made the comments your husband makes, and you are much smaller than me! Don’t stand for it x

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

We all know the quickest way to lose a load of weight... Tell him to stfu and get lost!

I love this!