Now please don't tell me or my friend we should just ignore this. I think thats something that suits the patriarchy very well but we are both a bit concerned about this although obviously theres nothing we can do. The guy is up to something.
I was dumped by my boyfriend of 2 years a while back very abruptly. I literally saw him at the weekend, everything was great, we parted on great terms a few days later he phoned me to say it was over because he had someone new. He refused to talk about it or meet up, and I have never seen him since.
He has continued to send me the odd text message though, despite his vows that we are to have no contact. Most recently on Friday he sent me one saying he "felt bad" about the way it had ended and suggesting meeting up.
Now, I'd turned into a bit of a private detective after him ending it and had discovered that he got married in September. I found this out because I got in touch with a friend who I'd lost contact with, and it turned out that he had slept with her too, when we were previously together for a few months and he had dumped me before (confusing, I know). She had felt guilty so had stopped being in contact with me.
She suspected from something on FB that he had got married and found out the name of his wife, which was a very unusual one. I checked the public register of marriages, and discovered that he had got married last September, 9 months after dumping me! Basically, my ex had told me such a convoluted set of lies that he pretended to be an entirely different person from who he actually was. I thought he was shy and liked to spend a lot of time on his own and valued his independence. Turns out not.
We also found out some details about his new wife. She is 18 years older than him - he is 41 and she is 59, and she isn't in the best physical condition. She's a little old lady. He is a particularly good looking, young looking 41 too, and my friend showed me some photos from Facebook and it was pretty shocking to see them together as they looked more like grandmother and grandson. She isn't a young looking 59. She's divorced and has been for about the last 20 years and we don't know if she has children, but if she does, since we are in Scotland, if she dies, most of any property she owns would go to him despite what any will said as a wife has legal rights.
So back to the text message. I let him dig his own grave by sending a reply saying yes, it was a shame how it ended, and he then suggested coming round to mine. At which point I told him I knew he had got married in September and to get lost, and blocked him. Looking back, he had also sent me a text just a month or so before he must have got married, and I also told him to get lost then too as by that point I had finally woken up to the fact that although I didn't fully understand what had happened, he was trouble.
He told me so many lies and was completely convincing, from saying we were exclusive and he wouldn't dream of cheating or even looking at another woman, how he preferred me being a bit younger than him and having similar backgrounds and interests in sport (thats how we met) (his wife is from a third world country where women don't have many prospects other than marrying rich western men, and doesn't seem to work or have any social media presence), how he liked how independent I was and how I worked hard and had my own place, and even how in his business he would never meet anyone else as they were "all old ladies" (at this point he made a face of disgust).
The guy is up to something. He is a manipulative liar and very, vey convincing, and if it weren't for my friend telling me, I would have assumed he was single and maybe let him come round to clear the air. He was obviously even trying to cheat on her at the time the marriage license was applied for. I wouldn't even have got together with him again if I'd known he had slept with her when we were together. Worse still, I thought he enjoyed dumping me and my upset at it being so abrupt, and my friend said she had exactly the same feeling.
I know it all sounds really odd, but its really a strange thing to have happen to you. I'm concerned that this 59 year old woman, who while she might be a lovely person, wouldn't have that many romantic options in life and certainly not with a handsome 41 year old. My friend thinks she has met her and says she doesn't speak that great English. At best, he wants her to cook and look after him but I just can't get my head around it. I have no intention of getting in touch with her or anything as I know I wouldn't be believed and would be shot as the messenger but he's likely messaging other women too. I'm worried it might be whats called a predatory marriage.