My asexual husband keeps having affairs

[Eleanorinthegarden]

I know how bizarre this sounds!

My husband has been asexual (zero interest in sex) since we married 12 years ago. As I have little interest in sex myself, I accepted this and we have otherwise had a good relationship, even if it's effectively just a strong friendship.

I've recently discovered by reading his text messages that he has been seeing other women, including someone I used to work with. Having contacted her, she admitted seeing him for several months 'purely as friends' and remarked that he had at no point made any kind of move on her. He just wanted to talk, go for walks and he 'seemed lonely.' I suspect it may have been similar with the other women. None of the text messages I found mentioned sex on his part, despite some of the women making it clear they were interested.

Although it appears that sex wasn't involved, I feel betrayed and lied to. I will be confronting him.

Has anyone else here been in the position of their partner having emotional affairs? How did you deal with it?

Have you told him that you know?

Not yet. I only found out last week and have been trying to process before confronting him.

To me that’s a huge breach of trust regardless if sex is involved especially since they seem to be long term emotional affairs. Not sure I could get past it.

And I have been in a situation where my partner had an emotional affair and I never could trust him again and we ended it as heartbreaking as it was.

In some respects an emotional affair is worse than cheating purely for sex. Sex can be scratching an itch but an emotional affair is connecting at a deeper level. I couldnt accept or move on from this.

Sorry.

Yeh, he lied to you, presented himself as truthful, asexual, now it turns out neither of those things is true.

He's a liar. You cannot trust him.

If sex isn't important to you or him that's up to you. However, if trust is important to you then you don't have that so why are you still with him?

Treat yourself to respect since he doesn't respect you at all. Leave him.

"My husband has been asexual (zero interest in sex) since we married 12 years ago. As I have little interest in sex myself,".

With kindness, your " little interest" could possibly be reignited if you were not married to your " A Sexual" husband.

You are both lonely in this arrangement. Move on. Just both then be lonely on your own instead of this sorry arrangement.

He's been having emotional affairs hasn't he?

What triggered you to read his messages?