Long post alert! Sorry I'm advanced and thank you for feeding if you make it🤣
My best friend has always been by my side in any situation, and talking to her about this situation she had said for the sake of my children seeing me disrespect I should consider no contact. I don't know if that's to far? I'm just really confused to know what to do for the best in this situation..
Am I the issue? I feel like I need to give as much background as I possibly can to get an honest answer.
when my husband lived at home with his mother and father I did actually get on with them at this point. But she did show signs off over the top behaviour.
For example, if we went to the store together she would be messaging him, where are you? When are you coming home? If he didn’t respond she would text/call me.
We went for dinner with our friends and I was staying the night at his house, I had work the next day, so we wasn’t drinking we was just out for a meal with friends.
She text him ‘’shouldn’t you be home now #my name # has work in the morning’’.
My own mother never treated me like that so I was took back by it. She continued to do things like this, if we was on a date/day out she would be messaging where are you? It’s late? You have work tomorrow.
It was constant and if he didn’t reply she would be on to me. It really did feel like a lot having to answer to someone everyday when we’re both full grown adults!
We booked our first holiday together, before buying our first home, as a final time to relax. His mother demanded flight details to track this flight, to which my husband said no I would prefer you didn’t. She then found the fight details online anyway even despite him asking her not to as he said he would just tell her himself when we got there. She packed his suit case without even asking him.
We had this holiday and we came back and went onto buying our first home together. That was really when she started to show a disliking to me.
She was pretty much ok until the point we moved out. When we moved out she was blowing up his phone still, and my phone still saying she was disappointed with us for moving out (god knows why) in the ended I ended up blocking her I thought I don’t want to deal with this sh*t anymore.
She then proceeded to blow up my husbands phone were talking over 50 messages and calls, pretty much daily! She called me every name under the sun. She told him I’d wrecked the family, I’d took him away from his whole family blah blah blah. In the end my husband ended up cutting all contact with her, he’d had enough to.
She kept texting calling etc he just used to ignore it. Then one day she showed up, demanding he talk to her. He did in the end talk to her, she apologised to me then for ‘blaming me’ I point blank told her then I didn’t want anything to do with her.
So for a while my husband used to visit alone, I had 0 interest in visiting with him.
After a good 6 months maybe even a year, I then fell pregnant. Whilst pregnant I still decided not to see them. After I had my 1st child I knew then I kind of had to and thought maybe it was time to put things aside and visit with him for the sake of my child.
I payed a few visits and in all honestly I didn’t really say/do much, I guess I was still hurt after all she had said and done! Making out id ruined her whole family ripped her son away, it really did make me feel so awful about myself and took such a toll on how I felt.
Obviously the tension between us still showed, his mother didn’t really show my c interested to want to talk to me and I really made no effort to.
She was still texting my husband occasionally saying he didn’t visit enough random bits of sh*t on how he had changed a lot blah blah.
My husband suggested a chat with her to clear the air for me, to which I wasn’t a huge fan of the idea but thought I should for my husband and child’s sake. we did have a chat the air was cleared to a point.
Covid then happened so we didn’t visit for a while obviously as we was in lock down, I then fell pregnant again with my 2nd child. Then restrictions began to ease but we were both still very cautious, wanting to meet outside etc.
His mother thew her dolls out the pram and said she would rather not see us at all if it meant meeting outside. And not to bother coming. So we didn’t end up going, to which she then blew up his phone giving him grief because we didn’t go.. but she told us not to?
She then was saying she was just going to show up at our house (uninvited) or show up to my parents house (no idea why) to ask them if we meet them outside to.
She then started blaming me (what a surprise!) ‘’ I bet this is all # my names # idea, why don’t you stick up for yourself, she is still punishing us for what happened prior’’.
My husband just tends to ignore her when she goes off like this spamming his phone.
A few more weeks passed we ended up going to visit I just went along with it. His grandmother actually shouted at me when we got there saying I can’t believe your this cautious over coronavirus (baring in mind this was last year so some restrictions were still in place anyway) to which I said I’m pregnant I’m just very cautious that’s all, but could you not shout in front of my child please, so which she continued to shout ‘’ *her husbands name, she won’t even talk about it she won’t even talk about it how ridiculous’’.
I couldn’t believe she actually shouted at me in front of my child to start with but I was more shocked she continued after I’d asked her not to! We then went over to his mothers and visited her straight after, you could tell she was just in a mood right away… after staying a while my husband said ‘right we’re leaving now’ to which she said ‘well can you stay longer next time’. And that was that. I did feel so awkward there as you could tell she just was not happy.
My husband went on his own after this just before Christmas time to drop Christmas presents and cards off etc just a flying visit. My birthday is around Christmas time also.
He came back from this visit with presents wrapped in nice gift bags and ribbons and tags etc for the 2 children and him. She had gotten me a present but it wasn’t wrapped or in a gift bag with tags and ribbons like the children’s or my husband’s… how petty. She also sent me no birthday card, along with the rest of his family, nor did any even text my husband to wish me a happy birthday.
My husband hasn’t brought up visiting them since this, usually when they are brought up things get a little heated between me and my husband, he doesn’t like to ‘upset’ anybody, and feels very sorry for himself if his mother makes him feel bad as she’s ‘upset’.
Since visiting hasn’t been brought up things have pretty much been perfect but after all this carry on over Christmas and my birthday, her petty disrespect towards me, and the shouting in front of the children I just feel possibly enough is enough.
My best friend said Me and the children should go no contact until she can just treat me with respect, and equally on Christmas and birthdays just for the children’s sake, and it's a matter of time before the children pick up on any of this toxic behaviour from them! But I don’t know if no contact atleast for the time being is to far.
I’m not even sure how my husband will take it..