Hi all 
I’ve gotten out of a year long relationship a few months ago. It was a complete rollercoaster relationship, my ex had been with well over a dozen relationships, none of them lasting as long as ours (a year) by the age of 32.
It was a complete rollercoaster relationship, i felt sucked in by his charisma, charm, confidence, independence, large (but often superficial) friendship network. The first thing he done was give me a new phone 3 weeks and even though I needed it I was very resistant to his over gift giving, I didn’t want to feel like he was buying my love. In the end I believed it was genuine and accepted his gift giving a few weeks later.
A few months in he told me when he was 14 he received a sexual assault caution from being caught with his 5 year old cousin, apparently she just burst into the bathroom. The reason he told me this was because he was going to get vetted due to my job and our relationship. He hasn’t ever received any therapy or spoke to anyone about this issue apart from me. We spoke it out and I believed it was a misunderstanding/childhood incident and went forward.
Going forward he stopped having sex with me (said was tired from work) eventually he told me, me knowing his caution caused him to feel uncomfortable even though I was extremely caring and supportive, that issue didn’t even cross my mind as BEING an issue.
Things went forward and I caught him having sent naked pictures to someone else on his phone. I was completely devestated and he acted as if it was no big deal. He didn’t lie about what happened but just showed no remorse just continued to watch tv. I cried for a bit then he told me “well if you don’t trust me, we shouldn’t be together”. He had me so wrapped round his finger that I ended up apologising and saying sorry.
Anyway in the end the story changed about the sexual assault, I told him to go see a solicitor about it to see if anyone can be done about it which he did. The story then changed saying he was accused of it happening in the bedroom, he pinned down his cousin, and there was a damp patch (he told me it was pee not cum?) on his cousins trousers. Anyway more and more of the story would change. I didn’t know what to think about it but continued moving forward.
One time when we were drunk he asked if I wanted a foursome with the person and their husband who he had sent photos too (they are in an open relationship) we did do it but I feel so obligated to do anything he wanted at this point. I felt horrible after and eventually he broke up with me because he “couldn’t be with someone that knew” and “needed to work on himself”. Because I cried for a few days after feeling like my self worth was at 0 from him still talking to this open couple. I never shouted or argued or got angry at him.
3 weeks later he gets in a relationship with someone 10 years younger (he always dates way younger) which is fine but I do find it weird when people ONLY date with a sizeable age gap, like it’s a requirement? And what happened to working on himself?
The police disclosed his sexual assault to an employer once as they had kids working there and One of my friends who completes DBS checks for the police and knows the ins and outs said that there was definitely more than what I’ve been told for a full disclosure of his incident or he had other incidents.
I feel like he tries extremely hard to show off this perfect charismatic image of himself and he uses that to pull people in. Once I knew his big secret (that I believed was an honest childhood mistake until now) it’s like his image was shattered and he became extremely cold and disconnected from me. We are in the same friendship circle so I have see him and he can be extremely cold to me sometimes but not when other people are round or to anyone else. I done nothing wrong in our relationship other than eat too loudly and butt into conversations sometimes but that was literally it, so why get so cold?
I know he’s got an extremely impulsive behaviour like drunk driving, party drugs, over spending all of which I didn’t like or ignored.
There are other things that made me feel wrapped up in him but this is long already 
I know I made myself a doormat and had no boundaries, but he made me so attached to him, i feel like he done it on purpose to be able to do what he wants. He lacked empathy when he done things wrong and just completely turned off emotion, remorse or sympathy. That along with his fragile self image and offence, is there something wrong with him, like deep rooted cognitive issues or is he just an average impulsive bloke who’s done some stupid things?
Thank you for anyone that actually took the time to read all that - sorry!!