I’m in a relationship with a guy.
He seems emotionally unavailable in many ways and has soaked up a lot of the patriarchal ideals of what a ‘man’ is supposed to be like.
For example I had some bad news one day and I think a normal boyfriend would have been over with a bottle of wine wine chocolates to cheer me up. Instead he said he was glad he was going on a day trip with his friends.
Another example is that his mum died and he said his dad wouldn’t cry because ‘he’s not like that.’ Of course his dad was crying his eyes out and is now on antidepressants. Meanwhile as far as I am aware, bf didn’t shed a tear.
He does have some feeling but I often wonder if it goes beyond something like having an avoidant attachment style?
There’s never any positive encouragement, no nice warm compliment as I’ve had from previous boyfriends. He seems cold although he’s always friendly.
I’ve been so distracted with life stuff that I’m only starting to notice all this now. He calls every day, multiple times a day, but it’s very factual our conversations. He never tells me he loves me. I don’t feel like how I’ve felt in previous relationships.
He also has sexual problems. And has done for a long time I think.
I’m starting to think he’s a bit weird and off but I can’t put my finger on what it could be.
I wanted it to work with him, and I’m very attached to him and extremely scared about starting again at my age. But I can’t help but think he may not be good for me long term.
I actually feel quite unloved I think. There’s no spark, no excitement. He never surprises me or does anything to show he really loves me. Previous bfs would take me on holiday, but a box of chocs - I’m not materialistic at all, it’s more about the gesture.
Not sure what I want to achieve with this post.