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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Confused about message from ex

27 replies

Adviceneededplease1234 · 06/03/2022 09:58

Just would like some perspective on how to get my head around this.

You can see from my previous two threads I was seeing someone on a casual basis but I knew it wasn’t right for me. I broke it off a couple of times but kept getting persuaded to continue. Finally broke it off for good earlier this year.

I asked for space and he’s not been in touch but recently received a message telling me he loves me I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to him and will I change my mind and it’s the hardest message he’s ever had to write etc. This is completely out of the blue, he made no effort at all whilst we were together and in fact made me feel pretty worthless.

I replied to his message to say that I won’t be changing my mind and he hasn’t even read it!!! Why would you tell someone you love them and then not even bother to read the reply?

I’m not sure what my question even is, I just guess I need to ignore him and not reply again. I guess he’s playing games to see if/what I would reply. I stupidly thought we could be friends (as we have lots of mutual friends) but every opportunity he has he tries to take things back to more than friends with immature sexual comments etc.

OP posts:
Orgasmagorical · 06/03/2022 10:05

He's fishing round looking for a shag.

Can you unsend your reply?

Original poster
Adviceneededplease1234 · 06/03/2022 10:12

@Orgasmagorical

He's fishing round looking for a shag.

Can you unsend your reply?

Well I think yes he’s realised I’m serious this time and is trying to say anything to get me to go back to him.

I thought about unsending it but he’s the sort of person that does things to get a reaction and play games with people so he would know then he’s annoyed me.

I think I over think this stuff way too much.. I just need to get on with my life and ignore him.

OP posts:
Orgasmagorical · 06/03/2022 10:26

he’s the sort of person that does things to get a reaction and play games with people so he would know then he’s annoyed me.

What a dick. Grey rock and ignore, all the way, but hopefully he'll leave you in peace now.

Overthinking it is understandable - trying to work out what he's going to do next, how he makes you feel, yadda yadda yadda. It's not easy to switch it off but hopefully your mind will move on to more important things, like dusting and hoovering Wink, and he'll become irrelevant again Flowers

Rollergirl11 · 06/03/2022 10:28

You need to block him.

MunchyMonsters · 06/03/2022 10:29

I can read my what's app messages (via a widget) without it looking like I've read it.

Just block him and move on.

TracyMosby · 06/03/2022 10:30

Your reply is fine. Leave it. It is to the point and firm.

He has ignored you as he has realised he cannot con you anymore. Even when pulling out the bit guns. An obvious lie as well, as, like you said, he made you feel worthless. That’s nothing like love.

At this point you know he is a shit. You know he will lie to get a casual shag. You know he makes you feel worthless. Youve told him no more. You can block him now you know. Don't give him head space.

Lurking9to5 · 06/03/2022 10:30

Let your reply stand. It was an honest answer to a question he asked.

Original poster
Adviceneededplease1234 · 06/03/2022 10:34

Thanks guys I appreciate the replies it’s helpful to get the reassurance as I have no one to ask in real life.

OP posts:
Comeoverfordrinks · 06/03/2022 10:35

He will have read it - I can see my WhatsApp messages in my notifications. If they are long, I can see some of the content.

I would leave it and block him now, he’s taking up head space with his games. If he messages again you won’t even know and won’t go through this again

CarpeVitam · 06/03/2022 10:42

@MunchyMonsters

I can read my what's app messages (via a widget) without it looking like I've read it.

Just block him and move on.

@MunchyMonsters What widget is that? Smile
MunchyMonsters · 06/03/2022 11:03

Android - click and hold on the home page to get the widgets up.. choose WhatsApp

amylou8 · 06/03/2022 11:18

I can read mine in full just by pulling down the notification from the top of the phone screen. Because I haven't opened the app it's appears unread to the sender. He's seen it.

Original poster
Adviceneededplease1234 · 06/03/2022 11:20

It was in Facebook messenger but I realised you can ignore someone and see the message and it stays unread. So he probably has read it.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 06/03/2022 11:23

Just block him

Why wouldn't you?

Pantsomime · 06/03/2022 11:25

Just delete him everywhere- he’s bored and wants to play cat and mouse and kill you slowly emotionally all over again, just as you’d escaped. He wants fun at your expense

OhMygodddd · 06/03/2022 11:27

You can read messages without opening them on a preview, so his probably read it but not opened it.

Original poster
Adviceneededplease1234 · 06/03/2022 12:01

@WorraLiberty

Just block him

Why wouldn't you?

Because we have a lot of mutual friends and I see him regularly at events.
OP posts:
TracyMosby · 06/03/2022 12:19

Because we have a lot of mutual friends and I see him regularly at events
So? I bet there are other people you have mutual friends with who you see regularly at events who you do not contact in between.

WorraLiberty · 06/03/2022 12:20

Because we have a lot of mutual friends and I see him regularly at events.

So, what difference does that make?

Sorry if I sound dim here but why do you need to be contactable by him, just because you're going to bump into each other at events?

CarpeVitam · 06/03/2022 13:02

@MunchyMonsters

Android - click and hold on the home page to get the widgets up.. choose WhatsApp
👍
Original poster
Adviceneededplease1234 · 06/03/2022 13:31

@WorraLiberty

Because we have a lot of mutual friends and I see him regularly at events.

So, what difference does that make?

Sorry if I sound dim here but why do you need to be contactable by him, just because you're going to bump into each other at events?

I just worry it makes me look rude if I do that.
OP posts:
Rollergirl11 · 06/03/2022 14:13

I would worry more about still seeming available to him. Which he clearly thought you were. Don’t let him toy with your emotions like this. Best to remove all temptation by blocking him.

Aquamarine1029 · 06/03/2022 14:16

He's having a jolly time seeing how far he can push things. He's trying to get an easy shag and you're giving him the attention he's looking for. Block him. The fact you have mutual friends is irrelevant.

BIWI · 06/03/2022 14:19

Why would you worry about seeming to be rude though? This is a classic reaction from women - we're so conditioned to be nice to everyone.

he made no effort at all whilst we were together and in fact made me feel pretty worthless

I bet he wasn't worrying about whether or not you thought he was rude!

Orgasmagorical · 06/03/2022 14:23

he’s the sort of person that does things to get a reaction and play games with people

he made no effort at all whilst we were together and in fact made me feel pretty worthless.

every opportunity he has he tries to take things back to more than friends with immature sexual comments etc

And you're worried about seeming rude?

Guy's a dick! Be as rude true to yourself as you like. You owe him nothing. He's irrelevant, you're the important one here Flowers