Once he says "I'm not in love with you" is there any way back?

[LoveHiking]

I'm out of this relationship now but this was said to me after 5 years together, that he'd never been in love with me. I've read a few threads similar recently. There's no way I'd ever go back to him, but for a long time I was heartbroken and probably would have tried to make things right. Am I right in thinking these words are so final?

Yep. They are final.

I remember my ex saying to me that he loved me but was t in love with me. We continued on and I think we had a few more lovely years after but ultimately we weren't ment to be and I should've known my worth earlier! Worth that you should be with someone that loves and adores you and if they don't feel they're in love with you they should love you enough to let you find someone who is!

For me no way as those words cannot be taken back and would move on as hard as it might be as would always be in the back of your mind that they did not love you. Seems cruel that someone would say they never loved you if they once said they did..

If he had said he loved you during your relationship, then said he never had loved you, that makes him a liar.
And no, there’s no going back.

I would never go back.

If he said he'd never loved you there's no way back.

If he said he wasn't sure if he loved you any more, I think it's possible to recover from that if things were tricky at that time and later got better. For example, when we had very young kids my DH and I went through a tough time (as many couples do) and for a while I wasn't sure if I still loved him. I was so tired and we hardly had any quality time together, it seemed as if I could do without him, and we did have a couple of conversations about how our feelings had changed. The DC are in their teens now and we're very happy and have been for years now. So glad I didn't throw in the towel!

No way back. Even if he said it in the heat of the moment and it wasn't true (ie he did love you), he's shown such callous disregard and disrespect for your deepest feelings - and life together - that it can't be undone.

Nasty thing to say.

'Never been in love' is final yes. Fallen out of love is repairable if both people really want it to work.

This was said to me a very long time ago by my ex. He said me, I love you but not in love with you. I love you like I love my sister.
Relationship ended. I was devastated at the time. I wished I knew then how my life would be now as I met my OH a couple of years later. It isn't nice heartache.

I'm going to put the cat amongst the Pidgeon's on this one.

I said it, I'm not making excuses, but it was during lock downs, I was pregnant/had a new born along with home schooling and home working up until the day before I had my baby (I have suffered multiple losses previously). I was trying to save the business and navigate through everything.

I was highly stressed, I felt I wasn't receiving any support and in the heat of an argument I said it. I said it to provoke a reaction, calm talking wasn't working, me asking for help wasn't working. I let those words out and felt that maybe he would realise how bad things were and he needed to step up.

Now we have split, those words affected him deeply. I wish I hadn't said them, I didn't mean them but they can't be taken back.

My point is it all depends on other factors, feeling you don't love someone can be a symptom of feeling unloved, they can be confused.

My husband said it to me 5 years ago. We’re still married but it’s been really shit since then. I often feel like what’s the point. It’s uphill. It’s made me insecure and anxious and if I didn’t have young kids I’d be gone to be honest. Those words can’t be taken back and it now underpins everything. I’ve stopped giving a shit about his well-being. If he dropped in front of me with a heart attack I wouldn’t rush to call the ambulance and if he died tomorrow I’d be fine. Sorry but it’s the truth. I’ve had to toughen up and try and stop caring because what’s the alternative. I’m not interested in him sexually anymore either and I often look at him and think “why the hell did I pick you” I often walk past a room where I know he is and stand outside mouthing “fuck you” silently and giving him two fingers. It’s sad because before those words I would have done anything for him and it’s taken me a long time to get to this point.

Aw needingpeace he sounds awful and you need to look after yourself and start making a long term plan for the future as he sounds very selfish. Good you are not putting his needs first and hope you are ok.

Yes that’s it sorry move on to better

I had my suspicions and asked him how he really felt about me. He hadn't fallen out of love, he'd never been in love, which was hard to hear. I've picked myself off the ground in the last couple of months, so doing okay now.

Yes, those words are so final. Forget about him.

It may or not be final for him, but his feelings don't get to decide what you want. Why would you still even be considering the ins and outs of a relationship with someone who has said this to you?

Bloody hell needing peace, why would you stay in that??