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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How can i help my daughter? :(

4 replies

Anyoneanywhere · 05/03/2022 16:23

Hi, name changed but I'm absolutely heartbroken for my Dd.

Shes 13 years old and is so sweet and kind hearted. She was never close to her father and I divorced him when she was 7. (narcissistic and abusive man). She used to go to contact to her dad with her brother but it stopped as it become so distressing for her . He would make fun of her, generally be horrible to her and treat her poorly, while he showered her brother with whatever he wanted, money gifts etc. Shes now no contact with her dad and hasnt been for a few years. Her brother whos now 16 is also no contact as dad started to become hostile towards ds and ds no longer wanted to go. Ds also realised how poorly dd was being treated and felt a sense of guilt towards his sister.

I was in a relationship with a man who she grew very fond of, this man was previously in a relationship with a woman who had a baby (not his) and he dated the woman for around 4.5yrs. He never lived with that woman but played a dad role to her child and continued contact and would have regular overnight stays with this child, she'd call him daddy etc buy her daughter birthday cards lots of gifts etc (even tho this child had contact with her biological father).. my daughter again was treated very differently by this man, and he made clear he would not play a daddy role to my daughter, yet claimed he loved me and wanted a future with me? I have since left that man.

This morning my daughter broke down in tears and eventually told me she's sad that she doesn't have a dad and gets sad that all her friends have dads or step dad's thay do days out etc with.. shes hinted at feeling this way before but today was a whole other level. She was sobbing and I feel devastated for her.

I have no man in my life, and I'm quite content on being alone. She nor I has no other male role model in our lives but I feel like this is really effecting her.

What can I do to help my daughter feel she is enough? She is very close to me but I feel like I'm not enough :(

OP posts:
BoredBoredBoredB · 05/03/2022 16:49

Maybe Gingerbread would help.
I’m so sorry.
www.gingerbread.org.uk/what-we-do/contact-us/

MrsTorn34 · 05/03/2022 16:57

I think it might be important to sit and talk through her feelings with her and explain that not all families have male role models - especially in today's modern society. Maybe speak to the GP and see if she can get some help through CAMS some counselling?

SomePosters · 05/03/2022 17:18

Never met my dad and don’t miss him

I always think kids who have been dangled like this suffer worse than I did.

I would try and broaden her understanding of what makes a family around the world and make a family tree of people you consider to be family

That’s what I did when my daughter was much younger and asking questions.
She doesn’t see her dad (his choice) but does see his family regularly

She isn’t traumatised by his absence but she also doesn’t remember him for him to leave a gap

TenRedThings · 06/03/2022 08:21

Empathize with her, validate her feelings and let her know you've heard her. Don't feel guilty or like you have to fix it.

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