Boyfriends problem in the bedroom?

[Justryingtobehappy]

I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for eight months. What Ive found compared to every other sexual partner (bar one a long time ago) is that he goes soft or loses erections. He assures me it isn’t to do with me and he loves me and finds me attractive, however it’s massively affecting my confidence. I’d say about 30-40% of the time this happens. He likes to go down on me and is amazing at pleasing me, he finishes most times when I give him oral but this morning after a minute I could feel him going soft. This has happened a few times, and has happened quite a few times when we’ve started having sex. There has never been a time when he’s finished “quickly” (which is what I’m used to) but sometimes he either can’t come or goes soft. He makes a lot of excuses and I feel he is avoiding the truth but I’ve never come across this before. He assures me it isn’t to do with me but I can’t help but feel like it is. Everything else is absolutely perfect. Anyone been through something similar have any advice?

Tell him it’s important to see a dr - could easily be low testosterone or developing diabetes. Simple blood test will tell.

Ffs I knew someone would be along with ‘death grip’ 🙄

Is he on any antidepressants OP?

@DillonPanthersTexas

Google ‘death grip’ - that’ll be the answer.

Second post, well done.

Maybe we should start suggesting 'buzz clit' everytime a women posts on here about her struggles to stay aroused

Why are you here, on a women's forum, telling women off?? Are women not allowed to talk in their own spaces any more without a man going 'BUT IT'S SO UNFAIR'!!!?

Why don't you throw your weight around on Reddit or Twitter instead of lurking on here? @DillonPanthersTexas

It is weird as we had a conversation very early on when just getting to know each other before anything physical and he got so defensive about porn and saying oh women using vibrators the same and I said that is not the case at all and he would not let it go. It was the same as you describe he could get hard but then would go soft and in the end got bloody annoying and he was also telling me to move this way or lay this way etc seems so weird and not anything had experienced before. Then one night when we were trying to do it and he got frustrated and blurted out 'bloody porn' so we talked about it and I just could not be with someone who had addiction as he told me the extent of it and he even tried going to some religious group as that would help him to escape his demons. But other issues came out and he did not like me been confident and started to put me down etc and would argue over anything as always had to be right. So thanks to mumsnet had learned about boundaries gaslighting etc and just finished it as too much to deal with. He used the excuse about his leg, and circulation etc but just like the episode in sex and the city with Charlotte look it up, where she says 'oh the penis can't upset the penis 'etc.. It did affect my confidence as never experienced this before and I was very understanding but had enough. Just talk to him straight up and go with your gut feeling, if something does not feel right then it is not right. sorry am rambling and hope things get sorted.

If you can't find a way to be with him without letting this affect your confidence then you should end the relationship.

It's his problem but you're internalising it and making it about you. That's not healthy and it's also not fair on him.

He will always discuss it but his reasons seem to be different every time, we are very open with each other but it’s really affecting my self confidence and he knows it is.

What do you want him to do about it?
If he could magically fix then don't you think he would?
Men sometimes say the same when they can't make a woman orgasm or if she has never been able to orgasm, it affects their confidence, makes them feel like less of a man etc, they get upset which puts more pressure on the woman to orgasm even though she wasn't able to when there was less pressure.

If you can't handle the situation then you are incompatible simple as that!
Personally I wouldn't want to stay in the relationship with him because I wouldn't find it fulfilling!

He's probably mortified which is why he gives you all sorts of different answers, it hasn't changed from the first or second time you discussed it.

You could ask if he was willing to go and get his testosterone checked and ask about porn use. You say you wouldn't know how to bring it up but surely it would be no more awkward than continuing to discuss the problem anyway!

I also actually think he was thinking of those women when we were trying to do it as he would say just lay still, nothing ever felt just natural and free flowing in bed and just all felt weird. He tried to win me back and we did stay friends but not in touch now. We did get on well but he did not like when I had my own opinion and not used to a woman disagreeing with him. I said to him once you have a daughter and those women in the porn could be forced into it and he just seemed to think that all the women in porn love it and all women would love to have multiple men at once, turned me right off that he had this opinion of men. I just think older men are worse and get sleazier as they get older. Hope you sort things but ask him straight out but act as if it doesn't bother you so you get him to open up or say a friend has a porn addiction and see what he says. You will know by his face. Usually the ones you think would not have it. wishing you the best xx

opinion of women I should say not men.

well said Earthsight. This is about an issue this woman has with her fella and not about a woman. Should be able to discuss here openly and freely without getting grief about it.

He needs to go and see a GP as ED in someone so young could be an early warning sign of Heart Disease, CVD, diabetes or other health issues