My DH had a stroke yesterday

[Angrymum22]

DH, aged 60, had a stroke yesterday. Fortunately I was with him and he was in hospital within the hour after it started. He’s had clot busting drugs but Covid rules apply and I haven’t been able to be with him.
I’m an HCP so I went into professional mode. I woke up this morning and the enormity of it all has just hit me.
DS17 has been brilliant but it’s just one more shit thing for him to cope with.
DH is retired so at least I don’t have to inform anyone. I work 2 days a week so can cope with all the extra jobs but I am still recovering from breast cancer.
It just seems to be relentless. Fortunately money is not a problem but I have been lying in bed going over how many changes we are going to have to make to our lives.
You just don’t realise just how much of a team you are until one member goes down.
The breast cancer was so much easier to deal with.
DH is fiercely independent, I can’t even start to think about the practicalities. I’ve just been out to put something in the recycling bin and realised that we will need a ramp. The list is going to be endless.
I just feel like running away.

Oh @Angrymum22, I’m so sorry - what a traumatic time for you💐. One step at a time - do you know what physical effects the stroke has had yet? I know some are truly life changing but I know others have recovered well…. I hope someone more knowledgeable than me will be along shortly. At the moment just look after yourself and the short term, the long term can be dealt with along the way.

You are getting ahead of yourself, thinking about ramps. Many people who have had strokes have great recoveries.
Take a breath, one day at a time 💐

So very sorry to read this Angrymum. You likely feel a whole gamut of emotions from hour to hour here so I am not surprised to read you feel like running away from it all.

I have put up a link for the Stroke Association; I would urge you to make contact with them as soon as you are able. Your DS and you need support too as well as your H.

www.stroke.org.uk/finding-support

I'm so sorry. Are there things you NEED to do today or can you just go easy today? Offer of an unmumsnetty hug and

Oh Op, I know it's scary but please don't think the worst.

I have 2 close family members suffered strokes

• one was treated quickly and has a slight limp and nothing more.

The other's stroke wasn't picked up on for days as already sedated and they had a worse outcome.

Sounds like your DH has the best possible chances. I assume they're keeping him sedated for now?

Handhold OP💐

My mum had a brain haemorrhage last year, it was the most terrifying thing that we’ve been through as a family.

Thankfully she wasn’t on her own at the time and got an ambulance called within minutes of the onset. She was in the hospital shortly after and had a surgery the same day to drain some of the blood from her brain.

She spent about 2 months in rehab, and now - nearly 12 moths later - she’s great! Of course her motor skills still need working on, but she’s walking, talking, personality wise she’s the same person. The recovery is slow but with the right physio a lot is possible!

I know how scary it is, stay strong! 💕

I’m so sorry to hear that - what a shit time you’ve had. Fingers crossed the quick recognition and thrombolysis has had an effect and he can make a good recovery. He is young, and if you don’t have financial worries you may be able to access private physio and rehab to maximise the benefits.

It's really early days- you'll know that as a HCP. They caught it quickly and hopefully DH will make a good recovery. He's in the best place, keep trying to visit him and being supportive . He'll have a battery of tests, treatment and rehab in hospital and options to talk through. It's too early to be thinking - how he will be.

It sounds like a horrid time for you OP and your DH, and I wish you all the best. I hope you have supportive family/ friends who can be there for you too when you need to rage and cry.

It's very early to know what deficits he's going to be left with to begin with, if any. It sounds like the drugs may have been given in time and they can almost completely negate damage so fingers crossed that he's one of those people.

Obviously the stroke will evolve over the next wee while so things are unlikely to stay as they are and will hopefully improve before intervention even starts.

At the moment, the longer he doesn't extend then the better. It's such early days and to know the outcome and way too early to plan anything. Let the evolution happen and then see where you are.

Every good wish to you both.

Thank you all for your kind posts. I sent him a text last night not really thinking he would be able to use his phone let alone read it. He has just texted back, only a couple of words but at least it’s a start and means he can contact me if he needs to.
My DFil had a catastrophic stroke 12 mnths ago so it is DHs worst nightmare. DFil is bedbound and unable to communicate.
DFil is DHs stepfather so no genetic link.
DH has not helped himself (smoker and likes a pint) but has a real doctor phobia after lots of asthma and allergy treatments as a child. I’m hoping that if he makes a good recovery it will be the wake up call he needs. He was a fitness freak until his late forties when a bad knee injury ( ligament) sustained in his twenties caught up with him. He had finally decided to have a knee replacement in 2019 then Covid hit.

@Angrymum22 so sorry to read this,

My DH had a stroke 6 years ago when he was 59. He too was taken to hospital very quickly.

When I went to the hospital though they told me they could not get his blood pressure down and it was sky high. They said it was pretty likely he would not make it through the night.

3 days later he came out of hospital. Everyone was genuinely amazed at his recovery. He was back working a couple of weeks later - self employed.

There is every chance your DH will suffer few or even no problems.

Wonderful news that he was able to text you back @Angrymum22 wishing you positive outcome

@Angrymum22

We're all here, fingers crossed for you and DH.

Try not to imagine the worst nor to let your thoughts spiral, tell yourself think one step at a time, although appreciate it is hard not to panic. And normal to.

I work with people with strokes, those that don't recover. You'd be surprised how many do recover before they get to my team - key positive is early recognition it is a stroke, speedy hospital admission and treatment started within hours of the stroke. His age is good, general good health and previous fitness levels. These are positive protective and recovery factors.

I remember the first day I started at my team, a colleague rind me she'd had a stroke aged 48. She made an almost full recovery. She worked another 17 years in our team way past her optional retirement age of 60. It was lovely for me so young back then, to see the other side.

As I said it's early days still. Stimulation and chatter is good. Get him signed onto the TV bedside service of the hospital has it. Take his phone charger in - buy a long lead one from Amazon-3m is good as plug sockets are at head of bed on the wall. (Sign him up to the hospital WiFi when you are in( usually free).

Take puzzles and words searches , pen and paper in. Magazines. Books. Get everyone to text him- WhatsApp is good if hospital WiFi is good. Arrange with friends and family for them to contact him, if he can read and reply to whatsapps or texts or calls that normally is good. They might "not want to bother him" but he may appreciate it and his brain certainly will.

He can ignore it if feeling tired/ unwell. You can judge wheee he is up to when you visit.

Is he on social media? If not, over the next week, make him accounts and apps so he can watch fb news of his friends and family and feel connected.

Family Visits to him will be a lifeline. They are still more restricted in hospital due to covid but book yourself and other family in. Take his clothes in, day and pjs, slippers, toiletries, anything to help him feel as normal and as more himself as possible. If you can visit daily, do. Has he got a watch? That's important for his generation (us younger ones use our mobiles!)

My dad sat by my mum (25 years pre covid) 10 hours a day every day of the several months she was in hospital, reading his daily newspaper to her. She was in ICU then a general ward. He worked night shifts so went in after work until throwing out time. I worked 3 hours drive away but went in to sit by her weekly fri evening to Sundays all weekend.

She didn't have stroke, but was seriously ill. the ward staff treated mum so well and mum still remembers that she was rarely alone or lonely in there (she's mid 70s now, this was when she was 50 and she was a nurse at the time so her hospital colleagues popped by regularly to joke with her).

They were amazed at the recovery she made and I think that surrounding her with chatter, news, or even just quiet company (tbh my dad often fell asleep in the chair beside her for a few hours!) , helped her incredibly . They sat holding hands a lot saying nothing sometimes 😍🥰.

When I visited mum once she was able to walk with support, I took her into the shower and washed her hair. Then I brushed and blow dried it. I put her make up on.

So does your husband need help shaving? Have an electric razor? Aftershave, whatever is his normal routine.

Maybe not this first few days, but anything you can do to help him feel himself, if he is well enough. You can buy dried shampoo, if he can't get out of bed.

Please Just check with nursing staff what they feel is ok and will be appropriate and what you can do to help him. It will change over the weeks.

I went from feeding my mum her dinners to helping her with personal care and to walk to and from ward toilet and bringing her favourite fruit and snacks in. (Initially they gave her bed baths as she was too unwell to walk- but she loved the hair brushing and dried shampoo I did afterwards!)

These are the kindnesses you can do,

Thankyou unfortunately there is a strict no visiting policy at the moment which is very frustrating. I’m going out this afternoon to buy some pyjamas because he hasn’t got any. And a dressing gown.
I will ask his friends to start texting him. He’s quite good with his phone but does struggle with connecting to Wi-Fi. Fortunately there is a good phone signal.
He was looking forward to Cheltenham next week, he’s a massive national hunt fan so I will go and pick up the book he was going to collect today and put a pack together to drop off tomorrow.
I just wish I could be with him. I’m the health expert and he will be finding it frustrating to take in what’s going on around him.
I am reassured by the number of stories about good recoveries. I suppose my DFil stroke is too close to home and he is at the polar opposite end of the scale. My HCP brain knows that he could fully recover but my emotional brain is going through worst case scenario.

Thankyou unfortunately there is a strict no visiting policy at the moment which is very frustrating

I would be arguing this with the hospital. Unless he is in ICU then they have to have a covid safe visiting policy on inpatient longer term wards.

As a HCP you know you can put in a PALS complaint and you can ask for copies of the visiting policy and point out that it is beneficial for your DH. Especially as you are a HCP so already ultra checked for covid. I would be fighting tooth and nail to be able to visit.

But good luck and your plans sound great. He will need 3 pj sets and 2 dressing gowns. Ask the ward to bag up his pjs for you to wash. Talk to them about when he can wear normal clothes- find comfy ones - tracksuit/joggers and t shirts with zip hoodie type things are easiest to put on and off.

Our local hospitals all have at least a 3x week visiting slot from relatives allowed for inpatients. It has LFT negative test required checks beforehand and no covid symptoms etc. with temp being taken at the door. So at minimum I would expect you can visit 3x week or more.

Don't worry about official phone sets, next or M&S or Sainsbos /Asda /Tescos do lovely pj bottoms (elasticated waist) with t shirt tops. That's what DH will need. Two lightweight dressing gowns. And slip on slippers. All labelled with his name and a few black bags or laundry bags labelled with his name- and your tel number and name to collect and launder it. It will help him to get up and out of bed, if he has this, ready for when he is able to.

Official pj sets and meant sorry auto incorrect

As I said @Angrymum22
We are here listening, you are not alone, and we are behind you

You can get these sent within a day from Amazon prime that you need to sharpie (permanent pen write) his name on

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07G9H36MK/ref=cmswwrothhapiglttiPX5GTW39HKC14A4V5XRK
Arrives within a day of you have prime

Or you can get these preprinted name ones that you iron on arriving next wed

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00KRN1OD2/ref=cmswwrothhapiglttiMBSCW0VF27GD45S9R8PZ

I should have said that my DH was far from healthy when he had his stroke. He was overweight, had diabetes and high blood pressure.

The only person who I knew who had had a stroke was my ex-boyfriend's dad. He was only 42 and he was left unable to talk, write or walk more than a couple of steps. I was so scared that if DH survived he would be in this situation.

Thinking of you all

Of course you are worried and scared. But one day at a time. Thoughts that everything will be catastrophic will show up- but they are thoughts not facts. People can make great recoveries.

Sorry to hear this OP - it sounds really frightening for you both.

I agree with the posters above - it is too soon to worry in detail.

Strokes vary such a lot and your DH really could be fine in the end - even if he does need therapy for a while now.

Worry about today - about PJs of the right colour/fabric -about favourite book - need for reading glasses - flavour of toothpaste etc.

'Enough unto the day is the trouble therein' - an old old mantra but a useful one. Many of us have needed it.

So sorry to hear this. Here's another stroke recovery story from my mum who was 74, smoked like a chimney and drank like a fish. She had a stroke so serious that the priest was brought in to give her last rites. Everyone thought at the least she would have to go into a nursing home for the rest of her life, but after a month in hospital she was able to go home and live a normal life for 10 years til covid got her. I'm sure it was good that he was in the hospital so quickly and I hope he makes a full recovery