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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mother making me feel small

5 replies

Young23 · 04/03/2022 22:24

Hi all,

I don’t know how to write this without feeling weird about asking for your opinions. I don’t want advice as such as I don’t like confrontation, I just wear a smile on my face so that my Mum can’t see I am upset with how she’s regularly making me feel small.

What it is, is my Mum who I’m close with and I do a lot for, is constantly (and I mean constantly) paying my sister compliments but to ME - to which I agree with whatever she has to say. I’m not the insecure type nor jealous. This is about how my Mum is making me feel, NOT my sister. I love my sister and she is lovely woman.

It struck a nerve today because my Mum said to me “I hope she (my sister) doesn’t lose anymore weight.” When she knows I am under weight due to my anxiety and depression and working all the time and being a single Mum, ohh and studying. Now my sister is a healthy size 12, so if she did want to, she still would look as fab if she did lose anymore. But as a slimmer person myself, I just thought it was a bit insensitive of my Mum to say that?! If the shoe was on the other foot and she was to say to my sister “I hope she (me) doesn’t gain anymore weight.” Knowing my sister is a couple of sizes bigger than me.

Am I wrong for feeling upset and most of all does the above make sense in what I am trying to get across?

Thanks x

OP posts:
DoorWasAJar · 04/03/2022 22:42

Look at the Crappy Childhood Fairy on YouTube and see if anything rings a bell. Do you know about the scapegoat/golden child dynamic?

Young23 · 04/03/2022 22:52

@DoorWasAJar

Look at the Crappy Childhood Fairy on YouTube and see if anything rings a bell. Do you know about the scapegoat/golden child dynamic?
This is the first time I've heard of such a thing! Wow! Maybe I'm a scapegoat.🙈😁If I don't laugh I'll cry..
OP posts:
Young23 · 04/03/2022 22:52

@DoorWasAJar

Look at the Crappy Childhood Fairy on YouTube and see if anything rings a bell. Do you know about the scapegoat/golden child dynamic?
Also, thank you for commenting🙂
OP posts:
ClaryFairchild · 04/03/2022 23:26

You could be the scapegoat, or it could be like my DM, she can never praise one of us to our faces but instead praises all our siblings to us - perish the thought we might get a big head...🙄

We just tell each other what mum has said .... 😬

Young23 · 04/03/2022 23:41

@ClaryFairchild

You could be the scapegoat, or it could be like my DM, she can never praise one of us to our faces but instead praises all our siblings to us - perish the thought we might get a big head...🙄

We just tell each other what mum has said .... 😬

That's a good point, thanks.🙂
OP posts:
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