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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I need to leave but I have nowhere to go

26 replies

Samcj02 · 04/03/2022 21:59

I am a mum of three and have been in the same relationship
Since I was 14 years old. I when two teenagers and a 4 year old. For as long as I remember I’ve been controlled and called names, accused of cheating to name
A few. I’m desperately unhappy and I know I need to leave but I have nowhere to go, I’m
Embarrassed and ashamed Sad. Just looking for some advice, all of
My belongings are here.. the house isn’t in my name

OP posts:
floppybit · 04/03/2022 22:02

Right, is the house rented or owned? Why isn't it in your name?

floppybit · 04/03/2022 22:05

Lots of wise people on here I'm sure we can help you

Scooby5kids · 04/03/2022 22:06

Call women's aid and they can get you to a womens refuge with your child/children

Solasum · 04/03/2022 22:06

Are you married?

Solasum · 04/03/2022 22:07

And do you work?

Original poster
Samcj02 · 04/03/2022 22:08

Our nearest refuge is 15 miles away I have no car..
the house is owned

OP posts:
Original poster
Samcj02 · 04/03/2022 22:08

I’m worrying about things I probably shouldn’t be now like my job etc, I should really be worrying about myself for once

OP posts:
Original poster
Samcj02 · 04/03/2022 22:09

@Solasum

And do you work?
Not married and yes I work
OP posts:
floppybit · 04/03/2022 22:09

Are you married? You bought a house as a couple but the house is in your partner/husband's name?

floppybit · 04/03/2022 22:10

Sorry, cross post

Original poster
Samcj02 · 04/03/2022 22:11

@floppybit

Are you married? You bought a house as a couple but the house is in your partner/husband's name?
Yes when we purchased the house my credit score wasn’t good enough and he’s never got around to putting my name on the mortgage Hmm
OP posts:
Joanajoanna · 04/03/2022 22:12

Call Women's Aid. Or leave a message on their website with your phone number for someone to call you back, if you can't get through. They'll connect you to local services that will help you leave.

Don't worry about work. You can tell your manager (or HR) that you're fleeing domestic abuse and they'll give you some time off. That way you don't have to worry about not having a job. If you're worried about finances, you can apply for universal credit and get an advance, if you need money soon.

How old are your DC? You're being incredibly brave.

Original poster
Samcj02 · 04/03/2022 22:14

@Joanajoanna

Call Women's Aid. Or leave a message on their website with your phone number for someone to call you back, if you can't get through. They'll connect you to local services that will help you leave.

Don't worry about work. You can tell your manager (or HR) that you're fleeing domestic abuse and they'll give you some time off. That way you don't have to worry about not having a job. If you're worried about finances, you can apply for universal credit and get an advance, if you need money soon.

How old are your DC? You're being incredibly brave.

Thank you for the advice, I’ll do that. They’re 17,13 and 4. I don’t feel brave I feel stupid for not leaving sooner, I just want to feel “free”
OP posts:
StopStartStop · 04/03/2022 22:14

You aren't married?
The house is owned but not in your name?
Are any debts in your name?

You mention work - do you have a job? If so, that's a start.

Original poster
Samcj02 · 04/03/2022 22:17

No dents as such just a credit card, I do work yes I work 32 hours a week

OP posts:
Original poster
Samcj02 · 04/03/2022 22:18

Yes house is owned but not my name though most of the belongings, furniture etc ive purchased

OP posts:
mrsrat · 05/03/2022 10:16

How do you know where the neatest refuge is ? That is an excuse

Original poster
Samcj02 · 05/03/2022 11:53

@mrsrat

How do you know where the neatest refuge is ? That is an excuse
I know as I know someone who’s been There our nearest city is 15 miles away and that’s where it is! I’ve spoken to my LA and they’re finding me temporary accommodation in my town it’ll be a B&b or something similar.. sod definitely not an excuse
OP posts:
Motnight · 05/03/2022 12:09

Op I hope that you will find this thread useful. Please don't be embarrassed or ashamed. It sounds as though you have been in an abusive relationship since you were a child. Well done on seeking help to leave it.

Nanny0gg · 05/03/2022 12:15

@mrsrat

How do you know where the neatest refuge is ? That is an excuse
What was the point of that post to a Cleary worried and distressed woman?

And why is it an excuse?

ArabellaStrange · 05/03/2022 12:18

@mrsrat having a bad are we lovey?

OP I hope the LA come through for you.

Yankeescot · 05/03/2022 13:06

@mrsrat

How do you know where the neatest refuge is ? That is an excuse
@mrsrat

what very rude, cruel and unhelpful to someone in a distressing situation!

Yankeescot · 05/03/2022 13:07

OP, I certainly hope you can find some way to reach help and get to that shelter. Women's Aid should be able to help.

floppybit · 05/03/2022 13:38

I'm really glad you've spoken to the LA and they are going to help you. Let us know how you get on

Original poster
Samcj02 · 05/03/2022 15:57

Thank you so much everyone.
💕

OP posts:
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