I don't know how to navigate a serious relationship, but don't want to date casually. Where do I go from here?

[threebroadstripes]

Might as well be perfectly honest- I'm 29 and I only started dating last year. I always thought I would meet someone and it surely it had to just around the corner, and then I was so worried about being inexperienced that I talked myself out of trying.

I've been going to therapy and it has helped. I am more comfortable admitting that I would like a relationship and I've been trying OLD.

I just don't know how to manage it all though. I don't want and would not be able to have a casual relationship, but I also think that it's going to take me a loooong time to feel comfortable enough with someone to accomplish things like staying over or having sex, and most people my age are much more confident doing this more quickly than me. I don't see how I can grow that through OLD, but it is the only way I ever have been able to arrange a date.

Where do I go from here?

Most men you will meet through OLD will expect sex on the third date, and even if they've been decent up until that point, if you tell them you're not going home with them, they'll turn downright unpleasant.

All the more reason to make them wait then! Instant way to weed out people who only want sex (and aren't fussed who with) or who are disrespectful. Everyone is different but personally I can't imagine having sex with someone I've only met three times.

Op have you ever felt a sexual urge towards anyone? Have you considered that you might be asexual? If you are then there are apps where you can meet other asexuals and sex would be completely off the table. Does that sound appealing or do you think that you would like to eventually but after a long period of getting to know someone?

Do you have male friends, OP, or do you do any hobbies involving men? You might find it easier to get to know suitable men that way rather than or as well as online dating, which can be quite stressful and pressured, particularly if you're not romantically experienced.

No, I don’t think I’m asexual. I just think I’d need time.

I can’t even imagine being in the sort of relationship where you need to text someone every day. All of it seems so overwhelming.

No, I don’t have any male friends. I have never managed to make a real friend through hobbies tbh, just nodding acquaintances. I would really prefer to meet someone more naturally.

In that case, it might be worth trying to improve your social relationships generally. Chat to male colleagues, see if you can deepen your hobby acquaintances, tell your female friends you have started dating and ask if they have any tips. The more people you know, the more likely you are to meet a potential partner naturally..

Actually, the wrong type of guys often make it very, very easy in order to get what they want. This is a cynical thing to say, but I know countless women who’ve experienced it.