How do you know when a relationship should end ?

[PLaurel]

Hi everyone I’ll try keep this brief. Married for 20 years 3 children 14 down to 6. Both DH and I work but over the years I’m work down by

1. He always puts himself and his family / friends first. Eg He spent our wedding with his mates , he cycles with his mates , his family do nothing for us (all men )but if they’ve something on he drops us like a hot snot
2. His work takes priority. He never drops the kids to school etc , I have that horrible morning struggle every morning to get our the door etc. he works when he wants for how long he wants but if he has a friend lunch/ physio appt etc he can up and leave
3. I gave to ask and ask for any support - he doesn’t offer - does it but I have to ask first
4. I pay all bills/take care of house / kids Even help put his Father ..

5.he’s gone off on cycling etc trips with no notice just announces it day before etc - I’m expected to stay .. i did it “back “ recently and he took it as an excuse to go away again because quote “ you did it “

1. Accepts no responsibility shows no planning / forethought/ consideration or kindness

He just floats on my life I think ? We’ve no major issues - I can’t argue with him because he just walks away or goes cycling ! He just lives a single life but avails of my nice hotel and the life I have. I look around and lots of mane seem to do this - float about like a cloud on their partners hard work and complain when we ask for more input.

My question is is this it ??? I do everything anyway - he just seems to add to the washing/ mess. There’s no kindness. I’m not devastated just work out , dumbfounded and a bit angry now.

You can do this, op. Leaving that man is the best decision you've ever made.

You seem to have the same situation as the main character in Motherland!! I worked in a co working centre where there were a few of this type of bloke. Always off cycling or sailing with mates. They liked the fact they had a family but didn’t like the fact the aforementioned family had demands/needs/expectations that didn’t fit with basically carrying on exactly as they had done as students— just with a better income, house and a housekeeper.

If mentally change your mindset OP you will be fine— doesn’t matter if home has to be a bit simpler, or less holidays etc— it’s amazing how much less these things seem to matter or be necessary when you are free and happier in yourself day to day.

Your post made me sad but also hopeful that you will throw him out as you now realize that this is not what you signed up for. How dare he think or feel entitled to just heading off sailing as if he is a single man and go off cycling without informing anyone. I would just pack his things and ask him to leave for now as you need time. Get some advise from a solicitor and get all paperwork etc sorted so you know where you stand. You do sound very organized and know what you want so am in no doubt that you will achieve it. You should be in that bed with ensuite and he should be in the doghouse. Just think this time next year how life can be not having to pick up after him or deal with his crap. You will have peace of mind. It is only when us women get older that we realize that we will not put up with crap anymore. I am staying single as cannot be arsed with a man and happy living as I am no one telling me what to do or putting up with crap. You will have more time to yourself also and you can find yourself again. He has it too easy and he will be in shock and try to persuade you to try again. Get legal advise and ask him to leave and put his bag of dirty washing beside his precious bike with a note saying do this yourself. Please take care of yourself and you are still a young woman and plenty of happiness ahead, have learned am happier single and we were just conditioned to think we need a man in our lives. Keep posting if you need support as lots of women with great advise to help you along your journey. Big hugs xx

It doesn’t sound like any sort of relationship to me, there’s no relating.
Surely your be better off out?