Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Uncomfortable accepting money

19 replies

jennystears · 03/03/2022 19:35

My partner and I intend to live together. I'm mortgage free but have three kids to put through Uni/ college when time comes in the next few years.
We both earn well and similar amounts. He doesn't own a house as he lost it through divorce so has always rented.
He is very generous and insistent on paying full rent/ bills all outgoings. He also has hefty maintenance every month but the majority of this will end in the next year or two.
I'm very uncomfortable accepting money from him. Current rents around here are 1k + pcm.
How much should I accept from him, for rent/ bills/ food especially when I am mortgage free?
Thanks.

OP posts:
umberellaonesie · 03/03/2022 19:39

If you live together his income will be taken into account for student loans etc so I guess it's a way of him contributing to that but not directly

Original poster
jennystears · 03/03/2022 19:40

How much do you think is fair ?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 03/03/2022 19:42

Be smart and have documents drawn up that state he has no claim on your home. Protect yourself.

Why should you feel bad for him paying his way? Life costs money, he should be paying his fair share. Don't be a mug.

Original poster
jennystears · 03/03/2022 19:48

No I won't be a mug and he wouldnt have that. He understands that my home will be my kids inheritance so I need to draw up documents ensuring that's protects but also that he won't be thrown out if I die first, God forbid.
He has a take home, after maintenance of £2500 pcm.

OP posts:
Original poster
jennystears · 03/03/2022 19:48

The issue is mine. I'm not good with taking money.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 03/03/2022 19:52

He understands that my home will be my kids inheritance so I need to draw up documents ensuring that's protects but also that he won't be thrown out if I die first, God forbid.

Don't be too generous with that clause. What if you die fairly soon, he could sit in that house for decades. Your children may need the home or at least the profit from it. Stop being so concerned about your partner's financial security, that's his problem.

Spudyoulikeit · 03/03/2022 19:52

Ooh I don’t know, tricky one. How long have you been together? I think it contributing to the household over a period of time then someone can make a claim to the property or at least some of the value but I could be wrong.

Spudyoulikeit · 03/03/2022 19:53

I’m also not sure about the clause with him getting to live there if you die first. Your children sound a bit young for that.

Wiredforsound · 03/03/2022 21:55

I would suggest he buys a property and lets it, and then pays you most of what he makes on the property.

Jk24 · 03/03/2022 23:12

Half the bills and food?

HollowTalk · 03/03/2022 23:19

Why not suggest he pays all the bills. He would be paying half the bills anyway so it's just paying your share. You could split the food bill between you.

Sunseasun · 03/03/2022 23:48

2500 jeez why is he renting.

Sunseasun · 03/03/2022 23:49

Sorry didn’t mean that to sound rude op!

I agree with others people can do anything down the line sadly so protect yourself in the ways mentioned above.

capstix · 03/03/2022 23:52

Why not go for 40% of market rent? It's what he would pay if you were renting together plus a "soulmates rates" discount. Smile

capstix · 03/03/2022 23:53

@Sunseasun

2500 jeez why is he renting.
Possibly not a bad market strategy. Inflation > Interest Rates Rise > House Market Down
Icanflyhigh · 04/03/2022 00:02

Similar position to you although DH and I now married but this goes back 6 years since we first met.

I have 3 DC, we.live in a 4 bed detached. Rent is 1150 pcm and DH always puts min of £1000 pcm into our joint a/c

That covers at least half rent and bills etc - I was reluctant at first but he has always insisted and now just does it.
Total outgoings each pcm are somewhere around 2k so we each put in half x

lady725516 · 04/03/2022 13:22

Maybe start with half the bills and food and see how you feel?

KylieKoKo · 04/03/2022 14:15

@Aquamarine1029

He understands that my home will be my kids inheritance so I need to draw up documents ensuring that's protects but also that he won't be thrown out if I die first, God forbid.

Don't be too generous with that clause. What if you die fairly soon, he could sit in that house for decades. Your children may need the home or at least the profit from it. Stop being so concerned about your partner's financial security, that's his problem.

I am glad you're not my partner @Aquamarine1029

Instead of paying rent perhaps he could save to enable him / both of you to get a buy to let. You could split the rent he gets from that kess his mortgage if you decide not to invest in lieu of him paying rent. This could be an investment and security for him (and you if you also invested) which could provide more security for all involved, including your children.

KylieKoKo · 04/03/2022 14:16

@Sunseasun

2500 jeez why is he renting.
You have clearly led a very charmed life if you really are shocked that not everyone can get on the property ladder ...
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread