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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feel like he's talking to someone else

10 replies

Biscuitswithteaa · 03/03/2022 13:35

I've been with my boyfriend over a year but we've become official the last 8 months. In his last relationship he was an alcoholic and he ended up messaging other women which played a part in their separation amongst other things they both did.

He had a huge clear out of women on his Facebook 4 months ago. He has few friends on their now and he told me he stopped speaking to alot of women out of respect for Me. He's always expressed regret that he behaved the way he did when he drank.

He is always complaining that he hates phones and Facebook etc.

The last 4 or 5 days I've noticed he's always online. When I stay over its standard for him to go make drinks and smoke fags in the night. He's currently going through a stage of taking his phone in the kitchen with him and going on Facebook.

When I was there 2 days ago he kept going on Facebook and sitting with it near the charger. He was saying he was checking his emails.

He sent me a screenshot earlier and there was a second messenger icon open. He went to the shop and told me he'd ring when he got out . After 25 minutes I rang him and it said his phone was unavailable after a few rings. He rang me straight back and said he wasn't on the phone. I said oh OK just you said you'd ring me back in 2 minutes so thought I'd ring and see. He said another unknown number called him at the same time and probably cut me off. He said I didn't sound happy and asked if I was alright.

Anyway I'm just getting the worst feelings but I can't figure it out. He takes longer to reply to my messages too when he's already online.

What do you think?

OP posts:
Alonelonelylonersbadidea · 03/03/2022 13:38

Listen to your gut.
If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it's probably a duck.

It's been a year. Bin him.
You shouldn't be insecure at all but you especially not at the beginning.

SamphiretheStickerist · 03/03/2022 13:39

Go home.

Think about why you even started a relationship with an alcoholic who had cheated on previous partners.

He won't change. But you can.

coldfeetmama · 03/03/2022 13:42

Don't walk away

Run 🚩

Pinkbonbon · 03/03/2022 13:43

Yup he has someone else.

He is also a alcoholic op. You never stop being an alcoholic. It's lifelong. Considering he is still drinking too, he is already technically off the wagon.

Also sounds like he uses it as am excuse for cheating. Which I isn't. Not unless it was a one off drunk shag maybe. But what he was doing was chatting to lots of women online ect... that's an ongoing thing.

Also, deleting all the women and claiming its 'out if respect for you'. Umm no. That'll become 'you made me, I never wanted to'. The second he wants it to.

He's bad news op.
And he is shagging about.

Biscuitswithteaa · 03/03/2022 13:51

He doesn't drink he's 2 years sober. Sorry forgot to put that.

OP posts:
SamphiretheStickerist · 03/03/2022 13:54

Makes drinks and smokes fags overnight?!

I wouldn't believe a word he says about being sober!

Or much else, given your OP!

BUT even if he telling you 100% truths, are you happy? Or is the relationship causing you angst?

Biddie191 · 03/03/2022 14:25

If you stay in the relationship, I would be very surprised if in a few years time you don't really regret it. It's hard ending a relationship, but far better to get out now, with your self-worth and confidence intact, than be always wondering, second guessing and feeling it's your fault.
xxx

Watchkeys · 03/03/2022 15:28

Essentially your gut is telling you not to trust him. It doesn't really matter whether you're right or not. 'Do you want more of this feeling?' is the real question.

sweetbellyhigh · 03/03/2022 15:43

To me he sounds deeply unattractive but I'm not the one dating him so I guess the point is that you don't trust him. With good reason. His behaviour is questionable at best and just very strange and disrespectful.

Pegsonstrings · 03/03/2022 17:24

Is he really with all this hassle? He is not going to change and will tell you whatever he feels you want him to say in order to keep you. He knows the game better than anyone. Alcoholic or not, it’s a pattern which no one will change and he is clearly showing no signs of changing. You won’t change him either.

Again, he will tell you whatever in order to keep you. Listen to your gut

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