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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Feel like I've lost my dad to step family.

4 replies

malificent7 · 03/03/2022 12:43

My dm died of cancer age 58. 5 months later my dad got with my best mate's mum ( we introduced them) but i was v confused as on one hand i was happy for him, on the other it was hard. My dad would take mum's clothes to charity shop en route to see his gf.
Neither him or his gf told me directly but according to friend her mum " didn't want to take my mum's place and wasn't after the house."
Fast forward and i feel i have lost dad to best friends family. I have distanced myself as my dd isn't interested in her step cousin ( best friends dd) as they blamed dd for step cousins epic tantrums. Best friend called dd " horrid" for not wanting to play.

So i don't see as much of my dad which in a way is good as i needed space from him but he always is very supportive of best friends life and career. Feels like i have lost both my parents and shes gained a dad.

OP posts:
Luredbyapomegranate · 03/03/2022 21:12

This is a really hard situation OP. How long ago was it?

I think firstly, just because your Dad found a new relationship quickly, doesn’t mean he didn’t love your mum.

Secondly, hard though it is, if you distance yourself from your Dad, your relationship is going to be distant. Surely it’s possible for you to spend time with him, without your daughter and your friends daughter having to spend too much time together. Are you still friends with your friend?

I would ask your Dad out for coffee and say you’d like to rebuild the relationship, it’s just that you found it hard at first. Talk to him about the issue with the 2 little girls. It’s sortable. In the same way, have a chat with your best friend.

waterrat · 03/03/2022 21:34

Men can get new partners very quickly its very common. It will be his way of coping with the grief and I'm sure he misses his relationship with you as well. Can you try to rebuild things

waterrat · 03/03/2022 21:35

I'm sorry for the loss of your mum and I can imagine this must be a really hard situation

crosshatching · 03/03/2022 21:43

I'm sorry for your loss OP. Has your Dad been in this relationship for long?

In a perfect situation, how do you see your relationship with your Dad?

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