Worried about friend's child

[Tigofigo]

My friend (single parent) has lots of MH issues (I suspect EUPD plus they are on meds for depression, anxiety etc) and has recently told me they are being violent and aggressive towards their young child... This is not a new thing and they have previously been reported to SS.

I recently moved to a different country, and they have recently moved as well, and haven't given their new address to me or any of our other mutual friends.

Because I don't know where they are I can't tell their local SS and tbh last time they weren't much help anyway.

What else can I do? Their child is not old enough for a mobile phone so I cannot be a support directly to the child. I know the parent is struggling, how can I support them from afar? I feel so bad for the child, and for the parent who is playing out their own childhood despite not wanting to. I cannot provide money as they have a history of erratic and poor spending habits and it will not be used for eg respite or therapy.

Can you text asking for her address under the pretext of sending the child a new home gift? Could the police or previous school have ways of tracing them if you explain what's happening?

Contact the child's previous school or current school if you know where it is. Contact ss and give them full names and previous address they will be able to trace them somehow, or phone the police.

Fo you mean your friend admitted they are being violent and aggressive to their child?
How old is the child?

You could report to the NSPCC or an equivalent?

They are not in UK any more and only started school in Sept. I don't know which school.

The violence is only sporadic, the verbal aggression more frequent, no marks from hitting etc

Poor mite.

@Tigofigo

They are not in UK any more and only started school in Sept. I don't know which school.

The violence is only sporadic, the verbal aggression more frequent, no marks from hitting etc

How do you know that? You’re not there. You’re only going off what they’re telling you. I would guess it’s worse than what they’re admitting to.

I would ask for their address to send them a welcome to your new home present. That might give you somewhere to start on how to report this.

You're right I'm not there, and I think they do play down how often things go wrong. It's certainly more than is acceptable (although I'd say any hitting is unacceptable, I was smacked maybe 3 times ever).

In the country they're in, I've just looked it up and smacking is illegal.

I'm just not sure how they would help the child has no other family they can go to and as you might imagine is quite damaged.

Surely you can ask for their address? Say you're going to send them something?

Then report. Please report.

You must have some way of being in contact with them- you can provide this to the authorities and their names and they may be able to trace them.

You know the town they lived in before they moved? And her full name and his? And possibly even date or month of birth for him. Or at minimum his age.

They can be found easily by the authorities if you report this, even without their exact current address.

I have a phone number - that's it - but the phone is a UK number and not sure if bills will still be going to old address. They're not on social media. I do know their full names.

What can/will they actually do though? All I think they'll do at best is a visit to check, they will almost certainly deny anything has happened, and the parent might then take the stress out on the child. Would I be better contacting the school if I can?

Surely you know what town / area they used to live in before they moved?

Ideal if you can contact the school safeguarding lead but isn't it best to make a report to the NSPCC and police and let the authorities pick it up.

Below is UK government advice on reporting suspected abuse of children. Obviously you don't have a local UK council as you've moved abroad so you need to do one of the other two things. Ideally both.

"If you do not know where they live, contact your local council's team, the NSPCC or the Police for advice."

What to report
Child abuse includes physical, sexual and emotional abuse, and neglect. You can read more about the signs of child abusee_.
You don’t need to be sure that a child or young person has been abused - it’s OK to report a suspicion.
What happens when you report it?
The person who answers your call will decide what to do. For example, they might:
• gather more information
• ask a social worker to look into it
• contact the police, if they think the child is at immediate risk or a crime has been committed
The children’s social care team will tell you what happens next, but they will not be able to give you any confidential information.
Get advice
Contact the NSPCCC_ if you want to discuss your concerns and get advice.
NSPCC (for adults)
Telephone: 0808 800 50000_