Living Apart Together

[SRuss22]

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Today 09:31SRuss22

Hello I'm really struggling with a decision I need to make and I'm looking for some advice. I've accrued a large amount of debt trying to save my business. My partner has only just found out the true amount and is fuming because we're struggling as it is to just live day by day. My business isn't working out, I'm an income down and I feel terrible that I've put us in this position. We get no benefit help. He pays for everything in the home and has done for a while. It is his home and I feel I need to move out of it as I can't afford to contribute and he can't afford to keep me for nothing. We still love each other and he's even offered to get a loan to help me but I know that this is affecting his mental health which he's just got on track, and now my own due to the guilt. What I'm asking is, has anyone lived apart and still had a good relationship?

I can only speak in terms of a boyfriend in that I've always been more comfortable and gad better relationships when I've had my own space.

I don't know if the practicalities change if you are married but tbh with your situation I think it sounds like a little space might make your relationship easier.

That being said, it could also break it. Marriages are for better or worse and its not like you gambled the money away. You were trying to build something.

Could you start looking for a job and contributing to the house when you find one. And slowly pay off your debt?

Just to add I'm.not condoning you not being frank with him sooner about the expenses (assuming it was his money you were using to invest?). But I think it's a good sign he hasn't asked you to move out. Instead of letting the guilt drive you away, wouldn't it be more responsible to stay and fix it?

Though, of course his mental health is important. But have a chat with him and see if he would like to try living apart for a bit. Don't just assume it would be best.

Could you get a job to contribute. Surely it doesnt need to be your own business or nothing?

LAT relationships can work well for some people but it sounds like youre feeling forced into it rather than you wanting it

I don't live with my partner and have no plans to but that's for different reasons to you (children/divorce settlements, etc). I think to go from living together to then not is quite a different thing to never having lived together and would feel like the relationship was going backwards to me.

There must be something you can do to earn some money and contribute?

If your business isn’t working out could you look for an employed position? Are you winding the business down?

My DP & I, together for 3 years, don’t live together but we never have done. We each have a child (his heavily disabled) & both have busy careers. We live an hour apart but spend weekends together. For us it works well, we both enjoy our own space but I think it would be a backwards step if we’d lived together first.