Social interactions, I may as well not be there

[Flowersandwine12]

I feel like the common denominator is me, so this is a me thing but I don't know what I'm doing wrong and feeling increasingly resentful/bitter.

So I've noticed this for a while but tried to tell myself it's me over analysing it, but this weekend I was so conscious of it

Anyway, I feel like no one is remotely interested in me and no-one has any ability to try and engage in conversation, even small talk. These are people I've known for years btw.

Examples from this weekend, on Saturday I went out with a group of 6, my friends for drinks. Everyone was chatting but no one person asked me a question about me or my life. I can excuse one of them because I see her at school every day and she does ask me questions and is interested but I just don't get it. I ask others questions, we ask others around the table but no one even asked what I'd even up to over half term.

On Sunday I went to a christening with my dh and his friend's and it was the same. I've known the wives and girlfriends for years and made a real effort but found it so difficult. I'd ask how they are, how work is or about something specific like X running a marathon lately and then conversation seems to die until I can think of something else to ask.

The response is nice, not like one word answers like they don't want to be there, actual conversation takes place but I feel like it's always me bringing up a topic or question. I am interested in catching up and hearing about a marathon or Ys new job is nice but it's not reciprocated at all.

The thing is I started a new job last year and I'm so exited about it. I also do interesting things and they know this from the very occasional snippets I post online. I'm not big headed in that I just want to talk about myself but I just feel like no one gives a shit.

We're supposed to be going to another christening in 2 weeks and I feel like saying to DH what's the point in me going. He knows I'm an introvert and find socialising hard and made a point of saying that on Sunday he noticed me moving round tables talking to different people and making effort.

I enjoy my own space and this makes me want to close off from everyone bar the 3/4 people who actually converse with me properly but then I know dhs friends would just call me miserable and weird.

Any tips?

I remember going out with a group of mums from a sporting group that my DDs did, years ago. There were five of us and one mum completely monopolised the entire evening. Every time we tried to turn the conversation around it went back to her.

As we left she said “it was so lovely to get to know you all better” …. she knew absolutely nothing about any of us, whereas we knew far too much about her.

Could have been nerves I suppose but I never repeated the evening.

There are a lot of lazy self absorbed people out there sadly. I got this a lot, but then realised I was making it easier for them by showing interest and asking more questions once they got into their monologue. Now if someone starts to talk at me or does not ask a single question, I excuse myself, sit somewhere else or pick up my phone and start to look disinterested. Years of people pleasing meant I went along with this nonsense. Now I do not care, if they think I am rude, not bothered at all. They are being rude by dominating the conversation and using me as a cardboard cut out.

Another one agreeing that it's not you. There are a lot of self absorbed people out there who show little interest in other people in socialsettings. I have been out several times with people who launch into monologues about themselves and other people who I've never met and have no context about what they are referring to. Completely oblivious to anyone else.

I also had a cousin who would launch into a two hour drone about herself when I used to visit. Never a single question in my direction.

Like pp said avoid, walk off, find someone with social skills.

You are not alone. And not just friends, some family members as well. Some do ask if there is something they want to know but otherwise nada. Usually there is a showman\woman in the group who just dominates and sucks up all the attention.

My tolerance of listening to these people who monologue about themselves is low these days - I will just excuse myself and find someone more interesting to listen\talk to.

I know exactly the type of people you are talking about, and there are many of those!
Like PPs, I even have "close"/immediate family members like this: conversations solely driven by me, while they don't ask a single question/ virtually know 0 about my life. But tell you what - I've stopped calling or answering such calls, or engineering meet ups. It's become too painstaking, awkward and frankly Pointless for me. I simply can no longer be bothered. I used to seriously over analyze when I felt 'rejected', looking for what I may have done wrong or why the person does not like me. Now I've stopped doing that too, instead taking the philosophical stance that people are complex and strange creatures, and it's a waste of time trying to figure them out. So I just leave them to it and move on with my life.