I admitted something I found quite startling today & quite sad

[KatyMac]

I don't actually have many 'good' friends

Not ones I can ring & whinge or who do that to me

I have friends, people I employ who i have friendships with, acquaintances, friends I used to have, but not really good friends
I think that's rather sad

Katy - I'm just the same. I've been out drinking and having fun with some of these people, but they're not really "good" friends.

I only have a few friends but I can ring them for a whinge......

do you think that you are a closed book to them? Maybe if you did ring they would be pleased you could confide - I think its very easy to be a closed book - I am still but I try to let people in

Same here. I moved 3000 miles from home and lost touch with childhood friends. I don't have a best friend or a good friend just acquaintances.

But I do like to be on my own as well so a lot of it is probably my own doing.

I think a lot of people are in a similiar situation. Being a busy wife/mother/working etc can be very isolating. It's not that unusual.

Hope you feel better soon.

I'm not sure i am upset about it

I have really nice friends & I care for them a lot

I do think I'm quite isolated & i guess being the boss doesn't help

Me too, but I'm not bothered by it at all. I'm guessing that if it's only just dawned on you, then you're not particularly bothered by it either, in which case there's no need to think it's 'sad'.

I just don't feel the need for those sort of girly friendships. I do however have a wunderbar DH who I can have heart to hearts with. Do you have a DP like that too?

Me too, and it does bother me, but I find it hard to meet people.

Do you have friends to laugh with?

far more important than whinging imo - never understood why you would want to whinge at friends

Perhaps you could have a whinge to them, but because you're not a whingy type, and you've never done it before, you don't know you can.

How would you feel if one of them phoned you for a whinge? Would you be upset or annoyed? Would you mind? Maybe you'd feel glad you could be a good enough friend? Maybe they would too, if you tried it?

anorak is right
I think sometimes that you might feel a burden & so dont moan BUT friends are glad to think that you trust them enough to admit things are crap

try it and see

I guess what I'm thinking is that normally you whinge first and that helps the other person find out the things that hurt you, and the things that you love, and so they get to know you, and only after that do you become closer.

You have us Katy. We exist We're real And you can whinge to us whenever you feel like, and you can be damn sure we'll all whinge back at various times!

quite right Shiny

whinge away at us & we will support you

yes shiny

I whinge to you lot and everyone in rl thinks I am all hugs and puppies

Same here Cappucino Although those close to me are away of the psychotic bitch lurking beneath the surface..

*AWARE

Aww SHPHH I know you're real & i do whinge at you & listen to you whinge at me - honest I really listen

I have tried whinging but it didn't really work

i think I am a burden - I know I am hard work

Well it won't work every time. Some people prefer to keep things superficial.

I used to be like you, I never whinged because I didn't think anyone was interested in my problems - my mother never was and I learned to tell myself I didn't matter.

Once I realised this was damaging me, I tried talking about my problems with some of my friends, and although not all of them were interested, the ones that were were fab. And they often came back with their own troubles, and very often they had a lot in common with me. It was a great thing, and I forged many close friendships once I understood that you can't get to love someone unless you get to know them first.

We have a Xmas get-together every year the Friday before Xmas. Felt mortified this year as I realised I had only 3 friends to invite. Probably could have rustled up more acquaintance-type friends, and maybe I should have, but I find now I'm 40 I'm very picky - I want to spend my time with people I know are like-minded. Perhaps I should invest more time/effort into pursuing acquaintances. One day...

I thought that most people were like this - one might know a lot of people but only a few, less than a handful, are true, close friends?

I have very few close friends (about 4), but they are worth their weight in gold

But do you have people that you could whinge to face to face? Does that make a difference to people that you can ring up? I have lots of friends that I could ring for a moan, but I ring them because they're not nearby, and I don't see them as often, which is another type of sad situation, but as a forces wife, a fact of life. I can share problems with people I see day to day, but I wouldn't ring them about them, as I'd see them face to face soon enough. Does that make sense? I've only lived here for 6m, and am a SAHM, so don't yet know anybody that doesn't live on our street to really talk to.

Sounds just like me.

I have something I need to tell someone (share a thought, seek advise kind of thing) but don't have any 'real' friends to tell.
I feel sad about it too.

I do have friends but not a best friend that I could tell anything to.

My mum is probably the person I share the most detailed conversations with, but I can't talk to her about this.

Not sure what the answer is, for any of us.

My best mate 20+ years rang me up last night, drunk and called me many horrible names.

She was my only confidant, and my closest friend. I have no other really close face to face friends either.

I have no parents as they disowned me 5 months ago...now my mate too.
The names she called me last night, I'd never think of saying that to anyone else and it really bluddy well hurts.