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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Friend unsure what to do

5 replies

ToughOne35 · 03/03/2022 07:58

I had a friend I met through my DCs school. At first everything was fine, but then I noticed a few strange behaviours like her being very intense constantly contacting me throughout every single day and getting annoyed if I didn't reply or message her first. She'd talk about her other friends behind their backs to me, she'd moan if I met up with different friends without her yet would say to me it's fine for people to have different friends so one rule for me and another for her.
She'd also moan she was skint so I would pay for everything we did and would also give her things with the promise of her giving it back but when it came to it she gave me one thing back out of everything I gave to her (which ended up being every other week!)
She'd never invite me to hers or invite me out anywhere, and always invited herself on coming to mine 2-3 times a week even though she knew I was tired and was hinting I needed my bed she'd still stay longer than what I was comfortable with.
Last year she went very quiet on me and moaned that I hadn't invited her round when I had other friends round, and got upset when I went quiet myself as I was dealing with a lot of problems and then came out with she thought I didn't like her... basically guilt tripping me so I felt bad. We sorted things out and I thought that'd be the end of it.
A few months later she did the same thing yet again and ignored me for six months, even when I'd say hello to her in the street. I invited her to mine for a catch up and she'd make excuses.

Low and behold she's now got in contact again saying she thought I didn't like her yet again and wanted to start coming round again when I've made the effort to continue the friendship but she was the one being awkward.
I called her out on this and said I don't want to keep going round in circles as it really hurt me just being dropped like that.
She said she's reliezed I'm the only friend who bothered with her and she didn't feel welcome in my home (despite me inviting her over a few months back so I don't know why she keeps saying things like that and I feel like it's a bit of a emotional manutiption) am I being unreasonable to think she's just using me?
I'm to old for stuff like this and feel it's something you'd expect whilst at school not with grown adults with kids of their own. I'm guessing her other friends have clocked on to how she gossips about others and have phased her out but now I'm worried if I have her round she'll start gossiping about me to others and it's a bit hard to have someone in your home and be a closed book so to speak.

Any advice is welcome. Thank you Thanks

OP posts:
NaiceHamAndHugs · 03/03/2022 08:02

She doesn’t sound like much of a friend. Demand your belongings back and block her! You’ll never fix someone like this.

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/03/2022 08:02

She’s not a friend. She’s a massive drain. I can’t believe that after she ignored you in the street you invited her over?!

She’s a complete user and sounds quite unstable.

KylieCharlene · 03/03/2022 08:03

I'd not be bothered with all this. It's too much hard work and let's face it, she's not a real friend.
She sounds incredibly immature and with all her bitching too I'd not want to be associated with her.
Keep your distance.

Bonheurdupasse · 03/03/2022 08:05

Make her giving back the money / stuff you’ve given her a precondition of meeting up with her.
She’s an absolute user and you should tell her that.

ToughOne35 · 03/03/2022 08:49

That's what my husband said, that if I'm having to chase a friendship then it's not really a friendship to begin with. Thanks for your replies. Thanks

OP posts:
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