Forgetful

[SickOfThisRightNow]

DH forgets everything so the mental load falls to me. He'll say he'll take on more but experience says this is a stupid idea as he'll forget it all and we'll all suffer the consequences. I've tried diaries, 3 reminders per task (one of which is written), visual reminders, telling him how it makes me feel if he forgets his share of chores. This morning he forgot something which had a little visual warning sign I'd made on it. I know this sounds controlling and patronising on my part but I guess the alternative is to just do everything myself.

Again, I know that this is always said on here but I genuinely think he has ADHD. He is intelligent and functions well enough in a pretty well paid job. There are reasons our life is highly stressful, I'm trying not to be too "outing" here, but he is legitimately very tired (as am I).

DH is the love of my life. He's always been like this but I've really had enough of having to act like the manager of the household.

How much does he forget and is he like this at work because if he isnt then hes at it.
Also depends whether you are realistic with the amount of chores you are giving him. How much you both work ?
My ex did some jobs such as mowing the lawn washing cars etc and shopping but as i worked less hrs there were jobs i did around the house as children were at school etc.
Make sure yr expectations are realistic.

What consequences are there for him if he doesn't do stuff?

If he knows he's forgetful then he should be finding ways to remind himself, not asking you to do it for him.

You either do it yourself, or it doesn’t get done. You have to accept it. You say yourself that he’s always been that way, why would you expect him to change now.

If this ‘forgetfulness’ doesn’t also extend to his work (I’d be very surprised if it did), then he’s not forgetting. He just doesn’t want to remember.

I've recently started a full time job, we both work the same hours. Children very high needs, I cared for them before. I think we share reasonably equally, but I do think this is because I 'direct' him. He is better at night stuff and often selflessly does majority of night childcare, I am better at mental load, and making sure the kids are sorted with everything they need.

He is forgetful at work but less so because he is the main earner and channels a lot of energy into making sure he performs.

He does forget so, so much though...

I would think he is not as forgetful at work and I would not be readily ascribing ADHD to him either. It also shows a really poor understanding of what ADHD actually is. And what if anything has he done here to address his apparant forgetfulness; my guess is nothing.

He does this because he can, you've let him do this and he's also learnt over many years this tactic works for him. He gets out of doing chores etc at home because he knows that you will pick up the slack.

What, if any, outside assistance are you getting here re respite and their very high needs?.

What does he forget though ?
My DP "oh i forgot to put suncream on them"
Not good enough.
Is it things you expect him to do that he just doesnt see ?
Sometimes men can get a bit unsure as they dont always see the obvious.