DH hasn't loved me for years...

[EdibleGlue]

Just that really. We are in the process of separating and it's all come out. Apparently he hasn't loved me for a long time (years and years) and has been putting up with me for the kids, hoping I would become more interesting and less fat. He would like to continue for us to live together like this but now I am making him move out so all this upset is down to me. And he has been so patient with me, despite the fact that I have damaged him so much with my constant demands (like take the bins out and don't ignore the children) and it's my fault that his love for me died.

I don't know what to do with this information. I just feel so stupid. I've been sharing a bed with this man, loving him, desperately trying to work out why he is so sad... and all that time, it was me. I was the reason he was sad and had checked out.

How do I ever recover from this?

Sounds like The Script to me. The classic rewriting of history. The poor, poor, man. Being asked to engage with his own children, how horrible for him. 🙄

You will hopefully recover when you realise he is the problem and not you. I'm so sorry OP he sounds like you're better off without him.

Don’t believe a word of it!
Like a PP said, it’s The Script.. for some strange reason these men who we trust and love and share our lives with, get bored.. and with this boredom comes bumping uglies or thinking/ fantasising of doing so with others.
And just like that, they minimise their behaviour by laying blame at the feet of the partners/ wife’s.
YOU have done nothing wrong- HE is solely to blame. You are not a rug for him to walk all over. Get angry and kick him out.

I wouldn’t believe a word of it. He’s re-writing history to save his ego because you want him to leave.

Putting up with you for the kids he ignores? Pah, you're well rid of the lying lazy gaslighter. He's hung around because it convenient. Get a lawyer and focus on the best possible financial outcome. That will make you much happier than he ever could.

I've got one the same. He's been unhappy for 7 years. I've made his life "too easy but also too hard". Apparently. He's not worked or lifted a finger really for the last 10 years, and has drunk and gamed himself into misery but it's MY fault. You have my sympathy.

It isn't you OP, it really isn't.

Don't listen to his bull shit and we'll done for moving his departure forward.

You've got this.

This gives me the rage on your behalf OP. What a selfish, self centred utter wanker he is! How bloody DARE he say he was waiting for you to be “more interesting and less fat”??? That’s just plain cruel and unkind and, like pps said, classic “script”. I also assume he must be totally scintillating and have the body of a god?? Don’t know if he’s had his head turned but he obviously wants something different (the fact he wants to stay living with you suggest he actually wants his cake and to eat it too. The cockend)
But, your marriage failing can’t possibly be his fault. can’t be because he’s a selfish tosser who refuses to put his back into family life and support his wife and DC…..of course not, that has to be YOUR fault….
Good for you for booting him out. Stick with it, don’t let him change your mind. And, I am utterly bloody certain, he will realise the grass isn’t infact greener and he will come crawling back. At which point tell him to go fuck himself. Twice. You can do this op and you deserve far far more than his bullshit.

He is a lazy knob op. It isnt you.

Tell him that him staying their doesnt work for you.

Off he pops. Wanker.

Take absolutely no notice whatsoever. It’s all bull shit!
Friend’s partner only married my friend to see if that would make him love her apparently- together for years, she supported him financially when he studied, has two children (again he was trying to love her) in this case it appears there was an OW on the scene as he was living with her and having another child within a couple of months. Sly.

People do fall out of love, split up amicably etc for various reasons, but most communicate this with dignity and respect. They still care for their partner, but just get a bit fed up/perhaps one wants new adventures and the other is more of a homebody. People change..
The reasons your other half have given, the way it’s been delivered, combined with him saying he still wants to live with you makes no sense, does it? he’s saying these things to hurt you because your making him leave (well done, good riddance to bad rubbish!) Take no notice, he’s having a tantrum.

Don’t stand for this disrespect. I had this shit from my husband so I went and signed up to a gym and got myself a good full time job and left a lot of the school/kids stuff to him. Why should I be default parent/martyr/facilitator/dogsbody to a man who “loves me but isn’t in love with me”. Just stop ladies. Get yourself an expensive gym membership, surround yourself with young male fitties and fuck those old grumpy boring fuckwits - oh and get yourself on bumble for a bit of a flirt. Seriously, there are hundreds of fit guys on bumble and you are worth more than this crap.

Oh I hope you told him you haven't had time to become more interesting because you have been carrying his dead weight around for years.

And that there has been no inspiration to exercise because his negativity drags you down.

It's easy to turn around almost any argument to the other person like he does.

A strong, supportive husband and father who engages with his children, does household chores and jobs, values the mum of his kids, loves and laughs freely. Doesn't sound like he is any of these things.

Sounds like he has been a misery to live with for years.

"He would like to continue living together" yeah I bet he would, he doesn't have to do fuck all, even teach, play, talk to his kids. If he doesn't have you he is going to have to empty his own bins, cook and clean, wash and out away his clothes. Put a bit of effort in to get a shag.

Basically get defiant not sad.

He hasn't loved you for years but has happily had you running around after him I am sure.

So stop that now.

Separate his laundry, say fix yourself something to eat. When food shopping say I don't know what to buy you. Don't do any admin, book in car for MOT, just pick up a prescription, send a birthday card to his mum. Just stop now.

Say "wish you'd mentioned not loving me earlier I could have stopped all this sooner".

Kick him out. You’re done. Get him gone

He sounds like another charmer doesnt he! What a cheek hes got . How "interesting " is he FFS! Constant "demands" to take the bis out and play with DC! Wow how exhausting for him(Not!) Good riddance to the loser I say