How can you be at peace with DC being left with the ex

[Cliche87]

I've not split yet. But I've come home from a 3 hour drive to my DH playing video games, the DC who is nearly 3 yrs old asleep at 5pm during a 4 hour nap, and stuff everywhere

When I've bought this up it's ended in him shouting at me, saying I humiliate him and I'm gaslighting him. He is so beyond ridiculous that I am staggered at my own stupidity for still being here.

The question is.....if H is rubbish with kids already, but in no way dangerous or neglectful, but poss a bit unhinged and v v bad at routine or basically doing anything other than gaming and messing about.. do you just accept your DC will have to endure hours and hours of being looked after in a chaotic way?

I've been away for a few hours and feel upset for my toddler. By leaving I lose control and increase their exposure to adults being rubbish and unreliable. I feel so sick at the thought of doing it.

This could actually be my life.
Only thing I will say is that my ex has insisted on 50/50 since November (in same house still) but I've just today said no way .... after 3 months... and this time he hadn't argued hardly at all as honestly he was finding it too much. He said a few grumbles but could tell he was happy. So now I've got the kids back 1 extra day which makes them more content too. So perhaps leave it a little while and play along?

Sadly, yes. You have to just put up with and try to mitigate their shit choices.

It gets easier as the kids get older. It’s tough when they’re small tho.

My ex-h was similar and found it difficult to cope with the demands of a small child on his own.
He wriggled out of a lot of weekends once we’d actually split…