Separating in London

[Mil321]

I have a 4 yr old DD and a 5 yr old DS and have been separated (living with DH) for over a year now. We have had an offer on our flat but can only each afford a 2 bed flat in London, no potential to extend. Will be fine for now but with children being different genders, we will both at some point have to sell and move again. For context, my job and is in East London but family near Reading, and would love to stay in London as would be easier for my job. Has anyone separated and left London and if so, how are you now finding it?

I would stay in the short term. The flat will very likely increase in value faster than other parts of the country then you can buy something in a few years and commute.

I would jump ship now. By the time your children would be recommended to sleep separately (8yrs old) any flat you buy would likely not have earned out the stamp duty and other fees you pay in increase. It is a seller’s market right now so you would be paying a premium.

Both good points. It's difficult as my work is in East London and am only now trying to further my career. Moving back home would still only get me a 2 bed flat, but DH would be able to get a 3 bed with a garden. However, the commute for me would be a bit of a nightmare. There are pros and cons to both but I am really struggling to decide what to do.

Purple Flower I was thinking this but then thought how it may disrupt the children taking them out of schools and moving them out of London when they are older...

I would personally go for the move now and work on increasing my earning potential as much as possible over the next few years so as to be able to upsize when the DC need their own bedrooms.

Is there any flexibility to work from home/another site with your job? EG would you consider moving further out if you only had to commute in 3x per week?

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

I would personally go for the move now and work on increasing my earning potential as much as possible over the next few years so as to be able to upsize when the DC need their own bedrooms.

Is there any flexibility to work from home/another site with your job? EG would you consider moving further out if you only had to commute in 3x per week?

Thanks for this; do you mean it would be best to move out of London now? I see your point; move back home (ie out of London towards Reading) to a 2-bed and try and earn more money; at least the DCs would not need to move towns as I'd be leaving London whilst they are young. Yes, potential to WFH some days.

@Mil321
You could get yourself a good sofabed for the livingroom down the line when needed so kids can have there own room.

Crossrail should be open by the end of the year, which would make your commute from Reading to East London very quick. I think it’s better to make the move now.

Why do you need to move to Reading ? If you work in East London...thats completely the wrong direction...if you need to move further out I would look south east/kent/Essex.... loads of other places...unless crossrail will arrive at a handy station for work...its a hideous cross London commute

Ah thinking Reading as my parents live in Maidenhead so would be good for support; can't afford to buy there but Reading is more within my budget :)

Moving is only going to get harder bas time goes on. The children will start school, get serious hobbies, make friends, you will integrate into a school community, etc

You also can't move on with your life if you stay living in the same house/flat as your ex.

Reading is likely to be a poor commute though if your parents are in maidenhead are they going to be doing practical support for childcare?? Or do you mean emotional support....
Work through your practicals so what would a work day look like....
Where are your friends....on a dally/weekly basis my friends are more of support ...but my parents are not practical supporters and you need to be practical..
The fact your ex can buy a house is neither here or there ...kids don't need houses they need less stressed parents...
Practicals 1st....that suit you and dc.. moving kids at primary age is usually fine so you have time..
So you could stay as is see if crossrail actually happens! Then is Reading an option..or what other areas there are that may suit

I wouldn't move to Reading either.

Assuming you have a support network where you are, I'd stay where you are and make do with less space. I separated in London and could afford to stay, albeit in a less nice area. It would have been difficult to do that and move away at the same time.

I've also spent time commuting into London, and it's really hard from a practical point of view to be so far from your children - e.g. if you're called to come and collect them if they're ill. If you do decide to move out, I agree with PP, look for somewhere that is easy for your work.

Have you factored in the cost of commuting if you did move? I'm in Bedford which isn't far from London and an annual ticket is £6k. On top of that you might need wraparound care because of the extra time commuting. It might be better to stay in London and move when you are earning more and the children are more independent.

What are your chances of a good salary rise over the next few years if you stay and concentrate on building your career with as little extra pressure as possible? Being a single parent, long commute, f/t job…

I would do whatever suits your independent earning power best.

Plus how much is a season ticket from Reading?

I live in housing association flat and many neighbours are overcrowded it’s considered acceptable for parents to sleep in living room and to separate sex of children in 2 bedrooms and not be overcrowded. So family of 5 in 2 bed = perfectly fine.

What is the likelihood of earning more in a few years time and upgrading your 2-bed to a 3-bed in your current area?

Are you eligible for shared ownership? Could you afford something bigger that way?

I’d always go for the shorter commute / where the kids are most settled.

@averythinline

Reading is likely to be a poor commute though if your parents are in maidenhead are they going to be doing practical support for childcare?? Or do you mean emotional support.... Work through your practicals so what would a work day look like.... Where are your friends....on a dally/weekly basis my friends are more of support ...but my parents are not practical supporters and you need to be practical.. The fact your ex can buy a house is neither here or there ...kids don't need houses they need less stressed parents... Practicals 1st....that suit you and dc.. moving kids at primary age is usually fine so you have time.. So you could stay as is see if crossrail actually happens! Then is Reading an option..or what other areas there are that may suit

Hi Averythinline, thank you for your response. Yes, was thinking being closer to parents for emotional support. I tend to drive down to Maidenhead every other weekend from West London to see them which currently takes 45-mins to an hour. Maidenhead is waaaay too expensive to buy (or even rent). My friends are in London but are a lot younger than me without children so may themselves end up moving out of London if/when they have kids. That said, we do meet up quite a lot, usually when I don't have the children :)

It's interesting that you say moving schools at Primary Schools is usually fine. It's good to hear as I was really worried about this, although most of my worries stem from reading other MN threads . If and when Crossrail happens then Reading would be great to get to Stratford London where I work. Just worried that house prices there will increase. Such good advice, thank you so much!

@Friendshipqn

What is the likelihood of earning more in a few years time and upgrading your 2-bed to a 3-bed in your current area?

Are you eligible for shared ownership? Could you afford something bigger that way?

I’d always go for the shorter commute / where the kids are most settled.

Hi Friendshipqn, I'm very much intent on earning more, particularly now that I am a single parent. I have increased my wage significantly in the last 5 years (by moving jobs/internal promotions) now that the children are generally sleeping through the night and I have more energy to focus on my career .

For context, I am able to buy a small 2 bed flat in West Ealing but I cannot see myself being able to earn enough within the next 5 years (when DC are 10 and 9) as I feel that houses and flats will increase in price with Crossrail faster than my wages. Strangely I don't earn enough for Shared Ownership but my deposit (share from the separation allows me to buy a small place). I guess I basically buy the 2 bed here and then hope that I earn enough/make enough equity to then buy a 3 bed outside London in the future, or just move now into a larger place (maybe a 2 bed house which can be converted into a 3 bed, or a 3 bed house at top of budget) and never have to move again.

@itsnotdeep

I wouldn't move to Reading either.

Assuming you have a support network where you are, I'd stay where you are and make do with less space. I separated in London and could afford to stay, albeit in a less nice area. It would have been difficult to do that and move away at the same time.

I've also spent time commuting into London, and it's really hard from a practical point of view to be so far from your children - e.g. if you're called to come and collect them if they're ill. If you do decide to move out, I agree with PP, look for somewhere that is easy for your work.

@itsnotdeepThanks for your reply and for sharing your experience of a similar situation. I don't really have a big support network where I am. My ex works abroad and have always managed on my own eg left work early when kids are ill at school etc. My friends live in East London. I do however know a couple from my DS's current school who have offered to help if needed so that's good.

What’s the shared care/ custody arrangements with you STBXH going to be. Thinking ahead to primary years, if you have 50/50 how much time it will be to shuttle kids between households. You need to base them near to a community within which they will grow up, but presumably needs to be accessible from both parents home.

@HomeHomeInTheRange 'independent earning power'; I hadn't really thought of this. So true. What's crazy is that I need to allow 1.5 hours to get to work and it would take roughly the same amount of time from Reading (although more expensive). I think Crossrail will make both journeys shorter though, with the West Ealing to Stratford being a little shorter (this is only a guess).

Strangely I don't earn enough for Shared Ownership but my deposit (share from the separation allows me to buy a small place).

It may not be the right route for you of course - but often there is no minimum amount you have to earn for shared ownership (I think different local authorities might vary). There is a maximum, which is £90k in London, though.