He's left

[Hammerspot]

'D'H and I have had a very very tough few years, illness, disability and issues with our child who has autism. Last night there was a huge meltdown from son, DH didn't respond well and I ended up taking our child to my parents to calm.

Our marriage has been rocky for a while, I assumed he was going to him parents for a few days to calm and we could then decided what to do next. I told the children he was just having a few days space. Came home and he's packed up all his stuff and gone (I went out as I said I didn't want the children there if leaving), was a bit of a shock. He has ASD as well so there is no grey areas. Feel stunned tbh. Now have to keep it all going for the children

I,m sorry op, this must be such a shock.

Could your parents come round to help with the children and support.

I’m sorry, it sounds like you’ve all had a really tough time.
As above, lean on your parents and friends for help and support at the moment. Look after yourself, it’s easy to not eat or drink properly when you’re in shock.

I’m so sorry your going through this. He was willing to have children but not perform the parental responsibility that comes with it. Fuck that let him go. If he wants to be a man child so be it. Get rid.

Thanks all. Both children are in with me asleep. I keep walking up having forgot then suddenly remembering. DH is the one who has been left disabled, he's has an awful time..
My eldest is not in school currently so that adds another layer of complexity to it all as I need to work but he can't be on his own all day. My parents are coming over today to sit with him and DH said he will next week, he just needs a few days. I did see a good friend today who was great.
Need to be at work in a few hours. I haven't eaten anything really so will try to have something.

@Hammerspot I'm thinking of you, sounds like things have been really tough for you both, do you want to talk about it more? Do you accept that it's over, or could more have been done, was he getting all the support he needed with his disability?

MissSmiley more could have been done and it's been clear for a while he wasn't coping but he wouldn't see the GP or accept he was most likely depressed.

I think I know it's over but we still love each other so it's hard.

11stonesomething thank you for your kind words. I know I'll be ok but right now I'm having to fight every instinct to call him up and ask him to come home (I won't ). Been in tears at work which is hugely embarrassing.

This just hurts so much. 20 years just done. The past few years have been hell for us all, I've tried so hard to support him/our kids. Maybe we neglected the relationship amongst surviving it all

My marriage of 20+ years also ended very abruptly. Please make sure you're financially okay, that he can't clean out the family bank accounts. And get as much support mustered around you as you can. This will be a very hard phase of your life.

QuinnMovesOn thanks. He actually left all the bank cards here for me. I know everyone says it but he'd not do that I don't think. I handle all the finances and always have. But I will certainly keep in mind and keep a close eye on things.

We've spoken tonight about counseling, even if we don't try again we need to co-parent effectively. In all honesty the past few years have been horrific and it's only now we can see clearly what the future holds in terms of his health and rehabilitation.

I felt sad reading this. I think you need some time apart to cool off. Do you have family support of any kind as it reads to me that there is no time for you as a couple and no joy.

Bunty55 that is it in a nutshell. We've not had much family support over past 2 years as my occupation and my dad's ill health has meant covid was a real risk.