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Original poster

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18 replies

Number97 · 02/03/2022 13:53

I am on Bumble currently, and I am chatting to one guy in particular that I am getting on well with. We have been texting on the app a lot over the last couple of days but I don't always want to be the one to do the chasing first.
I know on bumble the woman has to initiate first contact but it seems like it's always me who tries to keep conversations afloat, asking questions so the conversation always has somewhere to go, texting first the next day. And this isn't just with this particular guy, but any I have spoken to. Is this more or less what happens on OLD? Or do I just step back and leave it and hope they remember to text me off their own back? Just frustrating when I'm getting in well with someone, I don't want to not text and then it goes nowhere! Fairly new to all this 😆

OP posts:
Journeynotdestination · 02/03/2022 13:55

If they are not asking you any questions or contacting you before you contact them I’d let them go. When a guy is interested he makes sure to contact you!

mrgoodatfixingrhings · 02/03/2022 13:56

To be honest I've found this the other way round and it could be me writing this about all the other apps Grin.
People seem to just not like to reply or maybe just don't know what to say, or .... they're just not very good at making conversations Smile

Original poster
Number97 · 02/03/2022 13:56

But doesn't it work both ways? If I don't contact him, he might not think that I am interested? That's why I'm confused

OP posts:
Journeynotdestination · 02/03/2022 13:58

But if you are initiating all the conversations then in my experience he’s not interested or more interested in someone else. Initiate it a couple of times but if after that he never does…. Bin!

Original poster
Number97 · 02/03/2022 14:02

Thank you journey

OP posts:
cowboybebop · 02/03/2022 14:11

I tried Bumble for a few months and was confounded by the men who liked my profile but then could barely summon the effort to engage in a conversation with me. I just unmatched them pretty quickly. I think many men swipe right on a lot of women and then pick from among those who respond rather than being choosy up front.

Anyway when I finally found my now BF it was unmistakable that he was really interested in me - he messaged regularly, asked me questions, made an effort to be charming (so many men seem to think there's no need to do that).

My advice is to just quickly move on past those who give you lukewarm signals, no matter how suitable they seem.

Watchkeys · 02/03/2022 17:28

Is this more or less what happens on OLD

On OLD, just like in real life, the person you want to be with will respond in the way you want. The way that makes you happy.

So leave behind anybody who responds in a way that makes you anything other than happy. Otherwise you are essentially volunteering your time and emotional energy to someone who makes you feel a bit 'Huh?' The only reason to volunteer your time and emotional energy to someone is because they make you feel how you want to feel.

There is no 'normal for OLD'. If you write off behaviour you find questionable/less than you want because it's 'normal' in certain circumstances, you are making an excuse for someone to treat you in a way you don't like that much. A compatible partner will have you smiling at every turn, face to face, OLD, LDR, anything.

loveyoutothemoon · 02/03/2022 17:31

I don't bother if it's one way, it wastes my time.....next!

Ywnaged · 02/03/2022 17:43

@Watchkeys your response is perfect

Sonaftersonafterson · 02/03/2022 19:33

Be sensible about it. No, you dont always intitate but similarly, the egg never chased the sperm did it? No. Men tend to chase and message if they are keen. If you are one of a few, or he likes you but isn't THAT into you, you'll get sporadic messages, replies to you to keep you on the hook but no effort to start a chat himself.

I'd bin anyone who made me feel like I was chasing. Supposed to be fun, 50/50 messaging etc.

When you meet the one who is crazy about you, you'll see the difference!

It's the same for all of us. Chill and enjoy x

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 02/03/2022 20:10

I found the women on bumble to be the least responsive when I used it.

santasnothere · 03/03/2022 22:18

@Watchkeys

Is this more or less what happens on OLD

On OLD, just like in real life, the person you want to be with will respond in the way you want. The way that makes you happy.

So leave behind anybody who responds in a way that makes you anything other than happy. Otherwise you are essentially volunteering your time and emotional energy to someone who makes you feel a bit 'Huh?' The only reason to volunteer your time and emotional energy to someone is because they make you feel how you want to feel.

There is no 'normal for OLD'. If you write off behaviour you find questionable/less than you want because it's 'normal' in certain circumstances, you are making an excuse for someone to treat you in a way you don't like that much. A compatible partner will have you smiling at every turn, face to face, OLD, LDR, anything.

Perfect
GreyCarpet · 04/03/2022 06:49

Maybe you're not getting on as well as you think? Not that it's a 'you issue'! Just that I think people's expectations of others when it comes to online dating are incredibly low and they will continue engaging with someone they'd have abandoned long ago if they'd been approached by them in a pub!

almond123 · 04/03/2022 16:19

Yes that's bog standard. Most men match but don't message. Most initial interactions led by men are bog standard and I type out in my sleep

  • hey / hey / how are you / good, how are you / good, what are you doing today / working, you? etc etc etc. Few men give any signal that they have read your profile at all or have interest in YOU as a person. Most men expect you to do ALL of the lifting in the conversation and things will die very very very quickly if all you do it match their effort, expect them to take the initive or them to message proactively. But tbh I'm past the age where I can lift an entire relationship by myself - it's just not worth the effort to have a passenger in life. If it dies due to lack of effort & leadership on their part, it dies 🤷‍♀️. PS I'm very single 😆😆
highlighta · 04/03/2022 16:45

I found this on Bumble as well.

To me it seemed that because the woman has to make the first approach, they seem to think it's up to the woman to take the lead most of the time.

I met a few. They were expecting me to travel to them etc etc. I didn't find this the case wirh Tinder though. Which makes me think it has something to do with the woman taking the first step.
?
I also found it a bit weird.
I'm off all the sites now. I just couldn't be bothered tbh.

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 04/03/2022 16:51

@almond123

Yes that's bog standard. Most men match but don't message. Most initial interactions led by men are bog standard and I type out in my sleep
  • hey / hey / how are you / good, how are you / good, what are you doing today / working, you? etc etc etc. Few men give any signal that they have read your profile at all or have interest in YOU as a person. Most men expect you to do ALL of the lifting in the conversation and things will die very very very quickly if all you do it match their effort, expect them to take the initive or them to message proactively. But tbh I'm past the age where I can lift an entire relationship by myself - it's just not worth the effort to have a passenger in life. If it dies due to lack of effort & leadership on their part, it dies 🤷‍♀️. PS I'm very single 😆😆
I found this as well, but just with the genders reversed, most women don’t reply at all, those that do, don’t really put any effort in.
Mermaidwaves · 04/03/2022 16:54

Oh god the messaging is dire! So many men give one word answers and ask no questions at all, some of them have quite nicely written profiles which I suspect may have been written for them going by their conversation skills. Absolutely terrible.

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 04/03/2022 16:58

In think with OLD, it doesn’t really matter what gender you are, or the gender of the person you are talking to, if you feel like you are the person carrying the conversation then the other person is is not really that interested in you

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