I know I have to separate from my husband, I know the love isn’t really real or a sit should be. He is very supportive when I am struggling for whatever reason of vulnerable, very kind and practical, but I’m only my own )and with kids of course) when it comes to joy and pleasure and the little moments I’m of happiness. We share none of it, no laughter or banter or chemistry anymore, it’s like we miss each-other constantly. I am so drained.
The thing is I cannot bring myself to actually do it. We have agree to separate but it’s like we’re too scared we’re making a mistake for the kids or for us. I’m not typically someone who stands on the sidelines, but I’ve become so worn down, lost sense of life and who I am (as marriage kind and functional only) I cannot seem to get clarity or trust myself to get on with it. I am crippled with doubt, guilt, fear of my family’s reaction, fear I’ll mess up in the future, I can’t even see the future anymore. I think my husband and I are so different (I thought we complemented eachother) and I’ve been living in a very strange emotional environment for me I honestly don’t trust how I see things anymore. Throw a gaslighting month we on top of it as well. My incredible circle of friend are so supportive and saying that for my our mental help and happiness we have to give up. But I just don’t want to hurt anyone, it’s all very pathetic really. I’ve changed. It stinks of codependency. I am so confused. Two small kids.