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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I have no gumption

3 replies

Fourhorses · 02/03/2022 02:38

I know I have to separate from my husband, I know the love isn’t really real or a sit should be. He is very supportive when I am struggling for whatever reason of vulnerable, very kind and practical, but I’m only my own )and with kids of course) when it comes to joy and pleasure and the little moments I’m of happiness. We share none of it, no laughter or banter or chemistry anymore, it’s like we miss each-other constantly. I am so drained.

The thing is I cannot bring myself to actually do it. We have agree to separate but it’s like we’re too scared we’re making a mistake for the kids or for us. I’m not typically someone who stands on the sidelines, but I’ve become so worn down, lost sense of life and who I am (as marriage kind and functional only) I cannot seem to get clarity or trust myself to get on with it. I am crippled with doubt, guilt, fear of my family’s reaction, fear I’ll mess up in the future, I can’t even see the future anymore. I think my husband and I are so different (I thought we complemented eachother) and I’ve been living in a very strange emotional environment for me I honestly don’t trust how I see things anymore. Throw a gaslighting month we on top of it as well. My incredible circle of friend are so supportive and saying that for my our mental help and happiness we have to give up. But I just don’t want to hurt anyone, it’s all very pathetic really. I’ve changed. It stinks of codependency. I am so confused. Two small kids.

OP posts:
Fourhorses · 02/03/2022 02:38

Sorry lots of typos.

OP posts:
Fourhorses · 02/03/2022 02:50

Mumsnet could you please delete.

OP posts:
pog100 · 02/03/2022 02:50

It's 2am, typos are allowed! I don't really have much advice but hate to see unanswered posts.
You already know what you have to do. I think you need to lean on your lovely friends and make a serious plan of action then stick to it. Pretend it's a job or a project and work your way through tick lists. First thing, since you've agreed with your husband, is to see a solicitor about the financial situation and the nitty gritty. Get a recommendation from a friend. Good luck

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