Tinder in your 40s

[Toomuchleopard]

I’m 43 but lots of people are surprised by my age and say I look and act younger. I’ve been on Tinder for a couple of months and most people I match with are late 40s. I have now met up with two people and they both seemed so old and I didn’t fancy them at all and both seemed like their profile photos were well out of date. I want to go out with someone younger and fitter! Shall I just pursue things with OLD. Anyone else had this experience?

Virtually everyone believes they look and feel and act younger than they are - it’s why so many men in their fifties are holding out for hot girlfriends in their twenties and thirties, because they don’t think they’re the same as all the “past it” women their own age (and why the men you met are very probably much older than late forties but still using their old photos and trying to attract younger women.)

OLD is a fishing exercise. Most of the people you match with and meet will be unworkable for you, regardless of their age. Focus on men with a bit of detail in their profiles and able to construct decent messages, and focus less on age. You might end up with somebody younger, you might end up with somebody older, but the being choosy about who you meet is crucial.

If you want someone younger, then go for it. There are no rules. I’m soKelly focusing on the 40s market of men, and yes it’s utterly dire. They do not age well at all. However, once in a very long while, someone decent comes along. It’s a lot of time input for little return but use it as one of other avenues. Hinge has better men (in London, at least).

Don't match with men in their late 40s then, go for your own age or bit younger.
Video call the ones that seem like a maybe for a date, see if they look like their photos. Just recently been in a date with a man the same age as me but he looked older, they don't look after themselves the same as women.

Thanks everyone. I know I can change the settings so it looks for younger people. Video calling them first is a good idea too. I will persevere!

I am in a similar boat OP. Men my age and slightly older look really quite rough and past it if I'm being brutally honest. I know I look young for my age and look after myself, and I'm not prepared to go near most of these guys. I change my age range and only date younger guys but I can't say I've met anyone any good still. Good luck!

Weird isn't it?

I'm early 40s yet the men the same age as me online look so...well, haggered!! Old and gravelly.

I've opted for guys in their 30s. 35 to around 39. Not too young where you have to deal with stupidity but not too old that they look like they've just been dug up.

Tricky balance. Go for the 30s.

I think that women in their 40s/50s/60s almost always look better and take better care of themselves than the men in these age groups.

But the weird thing is many, if not the majority of these men when OLD look down on women their age and invariably will target much younger women (who of course will want nothing to do with them...).

So many guys also blatantly lie about their age, use old pictures and so on. So the men you are matching with who claim to be in their late 40s are probably 5 or even 10 years older...

I think there is also some really 'old-fashioned', misogynist attitudes in many older men unfortunately and a lot of bitterness from previous relationships.

So don't hesitate to try dating younger men if you can.

It’s definitely a myth that men look better than women with age (with the odd exception of course). I’m no beauty, in my 40s and find that there are loads of younger men more than willing to date older women. The only problem is the child issue, make sure they definitely aren’t interested in having more kids. Enjoy ;)

@Sonaftersonafterson

Weird isn't it?

I'm early 40s yet the men the same age as me online look so...well, haggered!! Old and gravelly.

I've opted for guys in their 30s. 35 to around 39. Not too young where you have to deal with stupidity but not too old that they look like they've just been dug up.

Tricky balance. Go for the 30s.

It is weird. I don't understand it at all. They do look much older. I look after my skin, hair, and health but don't do anything special.

There must be exceptions, I hope, as I'd prefer to date someone a similar age when I'm ready to, though I'd planned (as far as online dating goes) to include men up to five years older, and five years younger.

Personally I think women do look better when older but only after the kids have either got to an age where you have time to look after yourself and also develop more interests leading to more inner happiness or they have left home. A lot of mums with young kids look a bit tired and worn out to me and that’s when men look better. 30’s/early 40’s I think men can have the edge, probably because they don’t run around after kids as much. Late 40’s/50’s and 60’s I think women do. Men can also become very set in their ways and grumpy when they get older too. Quite boring some of them. It’s like they lose their purpose and get quite irritated by life. Probably the drop in testosterone doesn’t help either. A rapid decline of their sexual ability and peak. Not all
Men obviously but quite a few.

I’m agreeing with lots of these comments! I’m going to reduce the age settings and see what happens although I suspect there will be a lot fewer interested! I’m not in any rush

I’ve read a few of these threads and men are always accused of going after younger women and women are always advised to go for younger men, so is anyone dating anyone in there own age range ?

As a man in my 50s I was finding women in their 50s ( on the dating apps), to be dull and boring, but maybe that was just the ones I met.

I have how to say how self serving. People tell me I look 43. Really. look carefully in the mirror, crows feet tired look. A woman on POF did this to my friend always self complimenting herself. She was very reluctant to send a picture and now I know why. Wrinkles all over the place. Later she admitted she wanted to feel better about herself, even if it meant my friend feeling like utter shite after her comments. CRUEL.

I agree that:

• these men (most men?) are probably lying about their age - go by their photo and/or add 5 years on to the age they say they are
• apparently most men, regardless of THEIR age, think the ideal age of their female partner is 20. I'll say that again. Aged 20. So men in their 40s / 50s / 60s / 70s ideally want 20 year olds. Its pretty vile in my opinion 🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮

metro.co.uk/2019/02/22/men-regardless-age-will-always-attracted-women-early-20s-8718590/

The problem with trying to date younger men is that any younger man who you might fancy will have a whole host of other women his own age to choose from and won’t look twice at you. Of course there are a few exceptions where a younger man is genuinely attracted to an older woman, usually because the woman is extremely well kept and possibly wealthy too. Early 40s is a tricky age too, because you’re past having kids but younger men in their 30s may still be looking for a partner to have kids with. My advice is to look for men roughly your own age who are done having kids.

I think you to look beyond the headlines

The findings show that despite older men finding much younger women extremely attractive, they were highly unlikely to actually message any of them on an online dating site.

Men will most often message women actually closer to their own age.

The figures suggest that there is a clear distinction between physical, sexual desire, and the connection men crave from actually interacting with a woman who has a similar level of maturity.

@madcatman

I have how to say how self serving. People tell me I look 43. Really. look carefully in the mirror, crows feet tired look. A woman on POF did this to my friend always self complimenting herself. She was very reluctant to send a picture and now I know why. Wrinkles all over the place. Later she admitted she wanted to feel better about herself, even if it meant my friend feeling like utter shite after her comments. CRUEL.

I don't understand your point. Most people over 35 will have wrinkles, nothing to be ashamed about.

It’s because of testosterone I think that men age faster