I know I'm stupid.

[LS430]

NC for this.

He's fucking useless. Doesn't lift a finger in the house, shit father, has constantly got his eye on other women & for the last 10 years has been message/snap chatting girls behind my back.

Why the fuck do I even want him? Why is it him that I see in my future even though I know that's the worst idea I've ever had. It's run it's course. He's a prick. I can do a million times better in every way.

I'm not even convinced he wants me anymore.. so why can't I just let him go?!

So you have DC together, do you own or rent your property.

You can , you can let him go
Read your own post back and then sit down and think of all these years you are wasting with this eejit

Life is too short to be fucking miserable

Because doing nothing is easy.
I'm the short term. In moments.

But long run...its a waste of life.

Make a start. Rip the plaster off. Once you gather the momentum to make the initial move, the rest of it should be easier.

Because you’ve put the thought of Leaving Him in the pile of Too Difficult Things.

It’s not. You can do this. Just plan it out.

what you wrote was exactly what i was going through, i could not take it anymore, i changed my locks and threw him out. My self esteem is broken, i became insecure, i always felt he would abandon me one day.

he has not been here since the 1st of february am trying to get my life back and i started therapy.

Its a horrible, horrible feeling of being married and feeling single. I don't miss him at all, i wish i should have done it sooner.

Because you think that it will be more work to fight him to go, so it’s a mental block of putting of a chore.

But your life will be (by the sounds of it) pretty miserable in the next few weeks, so might as well look forward to having your own space, planning your time and being less on edge. Choose yourself ! X

Thanks everyone.

We rent, luckily, and the tenancy & all bills are in my name (we briefly split last year so I changed everything to my name). 1 DD together, no 'shared' assets as such. We're still young - I'm 27, he's a little older but not much.

When we split last year I was doing amazing on my own, but then he worked his way back in. I feel stupid for allowing it now, but at the time I thought I needed to give it one last shot otherwise I'd probably always torture myself never knowing if it could have worked.

It's called 'trauma bond' - it's very strong and takes years to escape from. I hope that helps OP

You can definitely do it.
Treat yourself to a better life you deserve it

@Seadad that sounds about right. I was doing so well last year and here we are again. My main issue is imagining him with another woman, absolutely kills me. I don't know why. Suppose it's because he's my husband, currently.

It's dogshit. We're currently on holiday together, meant to be heading to a show (at a resort, UK), but DD is asleep and he says he cba. Do I just say fuck this and head out in the resort for cocktails alone?! Or is that proper sad?

do you mean you want to both go out and leave your little girl alone?

@dogmandu of course not, I said 'and head out for cocktails alone', as in, on my own.

[quote LS430]@dogmandu of course not, I said 'and head out for cocktails alone', as in, on my own. [/quote]
Sorry - I misunderstood...

Oh honey you know exactly what to do... You know what most ( if not all of us) will tell you to do.
You are addicted to the roller coster ride that you have with this dip shit. I would suggest therapy for you..not couples therapy...For YOU.
I was in one of these relationships when I was in my late 20s...I'm now 74 and am happily married to the love of my life and
STILL think of him. Get OUT... Good Luck and get help!

op, you're not stupid, not in the slightest
you can do this 💖

Your link with him will likely resemble your relationship with one of your parents, or your parents' relationship with each other. There's a reason you respond like this, and it's nothing to do with stupidity. It's to do with examples we're set, when we're kids.

That's why it's important that you set an example for your DD, that when you're unhappy in a relationship, you leave. Otherwise she'll replicate what you're doing now, when she's older.

You have left him before.. now get your act together and do it again !

Yes, it sucks seeing them with another women... but it gets easier plus he's rubbish anyway.

Let the trash be someone else's problem.

Are you afraid you won't meet someone else, afraid you aren't good enough?
Don't waste any more of your life on him. Do you really want to be with him in ten year's time? He isn't going to change.

Google the sunken costs fallacy. That may be why you can't leave.

Do you really want to be here still miserable in 5 years time? Get him gone.

OP - you are me 18 months ago - everything you have said resonates with me.
13 months ago I kicked him out & honestly my life (and DC) is so much better, not perfect but we are getting there.
I agree with the advice above to seek counselling. I am coming to the end of 8 months of counselling with an amazing psychologist, who has diagnosed me with PTSD (from childhood) among other things. I am now finally forgiving myself for staying with EX as long as I did and able to move forward with my life.
You've got this

Ditch him
You have plenty of time to start again and have a proper life
You will find someone who values you
Don’t get to the position of looking back wishing you had ditched the useless piece of shit years ago !!

You need to break the cycle of trauma bond OP...you deserve better, don't waste your life getting scraps/dogshit!

You're only 27. Get out now while you can! You may find it heard to leave or imagine him with other women because once you loved him enough to marry him!

But you don't now, because if you don't like who he is as a person now then you don't love him. That feeling is just the ghost of the love you once had for him. A reflex.